Hoatzin: Here's A 'Do

The Hoatzin aka Jacu-cigano (pronounced “Zhah-koo See-GAHN-oh) [literally translated "Gypsy Guan"] is one of the most interesting birds that I've had the pleasure of encountering in my adventures around Goiás.

July means following the tradition of camping on an island in the Araguaia River Basin. When I had the opportunity to explore the more secluded areas of the surrounding waterways, I repeatedly heard what sounded like a group of angry monkeys within the forest. Turns out, it wasn't anything of the sort. It was the very vocal Hoatzin.

As we puttered down the winding canals through low-hanging branches of native plants and overgrown foliage, we were almost always ambushed at some point, by a group of Hoatzins fleeing from... us.

It was funny, because we wouldn't even be aware of their presence until they burst out of the brush, right over the boat. They would strategically wait until we were about two yards (or meters) away from wherever they were hiding, and about a dozen would burst out of the trees, screaming and flapping like crazy.

They could have just as easily remained hidden in their natural camouflage, and we never would've known they were there. Fellow campers noted that we were lucky that they weren't a bigger, fuzzier, fangier creature such as a Jaguar aka Onça (pronounced: OWN-suh). True, but that would have made a far more awesome set of pics.

I suspect that all the screaming is to momentarily catch a predator off-guard so there's no time to pursue them. (It's kinda hard to give chase mid-heart attack.) The Hoatzin is said to be a distant relative of the cuckoo which seems fitting, since they seem to be a little on the crazy side.

Hoatzins are hands down the kookiest birds I've been around, and from what I understand, they have a certain odor that has earned them the nickname "Stinkbird" in English. I'm assuming I was always upwind, so I cannot attest to their fragrance.

I can confirm their strange beauty, though. They have a periwinkle blue face, maroon eyes, wings of alternating earth tones, and a 'Do that reminds me of a certain famous Brazilian soccer star, Neymar (pronounced: "NAY-mar"). We affectionately nicknamed the birds as such.

All photos of Neymar found on Google

Regrettably, I was unable to get any clear shots due to the settings of my camera, and the effective evasive maneuvers (rapid retreat) by the subjects. Below are the precious few glimpses I did manage to catch of these fantastic feathered fugitives.

This is one of the many species allegedly found only in the Amazonian Basin further north, according to Wikipedia sources. However, I've personally been able to document several species of creatures that are "officially" off the Grid, and call the Araguaia River home. I guess we could call it the Incognito Cigano.

(To enlarge pictures, right-click and open in a new window.)

Armadillos or Tattoos

By the title, you might think I'm deciding on a hobby... or whittling down some strange list of New Year's Resolutions...

Not quite.

For anyone unfamiliar with the creature that is the official mascot for the upcoming World Cup in Brazil, you might be surprised to learn that it is an armadillo, or tatu (pronounced: "tattoo"), as it is known in Portuguese.

Up until now, most people didn't associate Brazil with armadillos — parrots or jaguars, sure. Amazon river dolphins and stinkbirds, maybe. I don't recall seeing an armadillo in the movie Rio, either.

This energetic mascot needed a campaign all his own, I guess.

"Fuleco," (pronounced: "fool-ay-koh") is a colorful, playful rendition of a Brazilian three-banded armadillo that is one of the two species of armadillo that can roll into a ball. What better mascot for soccer?

As a Texan, I must say that Fuleco is one of the two cutest renditions of an armadillo that I've seen.

When I first moved to central Brazil, I was surprised to hear that Texas didn't have the market cornered on these armored creatures. A fellow Texan was even more surprised when he learned that some armadillos are actually eaten in certain regions of the country.

That came with a disclaimer:

"...but [they] don't eat the ones that eat dead people, though."

Whew! That's a relief!

I suppose?

You know, that statement sounds like a line straight out of a Scooby Doo episode. Perhaps it's the Mystery Meat factor.

Mystery Meat is best experienced vicariously, in my opinion. (Especially if it's the kind that can give you, say, leprosy.)

Tourists need not worry that the kebab, or espetinho (pronounced: "eh-speh-cheen-yo") stand on the corner will be serving mascot, since the hunting and consumption of this creature is discouraged due to its endangered status. (That, and it's hard to come by in the big city. Kidding!)

Appropriately, Fuleco's very name reminds us to be eco-minded. On a related note, in Goiânia there is a slang term pronounced like the English word "echo" that is used in place of "ew, gross."

Teaser Post

I hope you find this post sufficiently cryptic.

The blog isn't dead... merely hibernating... while I get my ducks in a row, my eyes (un)crossed, and my tease dotted — or something to that effect.

It is, after all, important to have as many backlinks to your site, as possible, in the "dot-com age." I have dubbed that action a Tease Dotted.

Rejoining e-civilization, I know I owe you an explanation. I present my duct-taped babies.

I hope that by now, my "brace" of little duckies has started its way up to a certain Texas port, though they could still very well be sitting on the Brazilian shore. It's a triathlon, of sorts, that anyone who has moved internationally is familiar with: they are all taped, numbered, weighed, and fit to [hopefully] complete the different legs of the journey.

In my duckies' case, they had an 9-story hustle to the moving truck, and (an alleged) one-day drive to São Paulo. Eventually, they will cross oceans and arrive in Houston, at which point they will be checked in ...and sent on their 3-hour journey by land to their resting/nesting place here with me.

How did I get here?

Well, that is as much of a long & winding tale, as it is a bobbing & weaving sort of thing, and will more than fill in the rest of the gaps, thus far, in this blog.

I have almost 7 years' worth of When in —ão (pronounced like the word "own") tips to pass on, and just in time for the World Cup & Olympics.

I won't leave you hanging.

Brazilian Slang - Show

Based on the title, you might be wondering what the Brazilian Portuguese slang term for "show" is... or which of the many definitions of the English word "show" I am referring to.

The closest would probably be "show" as listed in the Free Dictionary's Thesaurus by Farlex:

show - the act of publicly exhibiting or entertaining;
"a remarkable show of skill"

...which is what, exactly?

Cool!

Therein lies the slang. The English word "show" made its way into Brazilian Portuguese slang via the sports arena. The term started out as "show de bola" [pronounced: "show jee boh-luh"] which meant "excellent showmanship in soccer."

The word bola means ball. It is understood that in this phrase bola is referring to soccer. Similarly, the old school American English slang term "ballin" originally meant "playing basketball [well]" (and eventually turned into "living the high life").

"Show de bola" means "a display of mad skills that takes the game to a whole new level" — the player not only has skills, but turns a play or move into an art form. To sum it up in another American English slang term: the player has game.

Like this guy:

Personally, I automatically associate a remarkable show of skill in a sport with Michael Jordan. He is, in my opinion, the most beautiful athlete ever. Watching him play was a breathtaking experience. I'm serious. I sometimes forgot to breathe when I was watching a game. He always brought it. So, if it helps, when you hear "show" or "show de bola" in Brazilian Portuguese, just think Jordan.

...who was?

Awesome!

Image found here.

Of course, "show de bola" is a term that originated in soccer — Brazilian soccer. When I hear "show de bola" I think of some of the most skilled players & beautiful moves that I've seen over the years. Naturally, there have been others (the most famous is Pelé) but my personal favorites in the past decade are Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Robinho (I call him "fancy feet"), Júlio César, Neymar, Luís Fabiano, and Marcelo.

...who are all?

Sensational!

Amazing!

Like any slang worth its salt, "show de bola" was shortened to the core word: "show." "Show" now means cool, awesome, sensational, da bomb, etc. in Brazilian Portuguese.

Other Brazilian Portuguese slang synonyms for "show" are:

• legal [pronounced: "leh-gahl"]
  This is the most commonly translated term for "cool."


• fera [pronounced: "feh-rduh"]
  I would say this is the equivalent of "neat."


• massa [pronounced: "mah-suh"]
  ...or in American English slang: "awesome."


• maneiro(a) [pronounced: "mah-nay-rdoh (rduh)"]
  To my sister's chagrin, I will have to go with "rad" (though unlike "rad" it is the opposite of outdated).


• sinistro [pronounced: "seen-ee-s-throw"]
  This is the Brazilian Portuguese twin of "wicked" (2nd Def.) or the current young American generation's version of "sick."


• bacana [pronounced: "bah-cah-nuh"]
  The American English counterpart is "sweet."

But let's be clear on one thing: it isn't cool to say cool in Brazil. Why? Because there is a profane term that sounds just like cool, without the "l," and you might not even get that far without somebody taking offense. So cool it with the American English slang while you're here. This will ensure your trip to Brazil is all the more bacana, or as I like to say, "suh-weet."

Image found here.

The Guy Who Cried UMMMPH

or Why I Don't Reeeally Enjoy Watching Soccer [Futbol] aka Association Football

Hint: It has a lot to do with the same reasons I don't like watching novelas, or soap operas...

Over-the-top drama!!!!!

Image created on Wordle.

I played sports. I now what a foul is. I understand that sometimes it can be serious... but in the soccer games I've seen since I arrived in Brazil, there have been more Oscar-worthy performances depicting faux fouls (faltas) in a single game, than I've seen in an entire blockbuster season at the movies.

I never watched soccer games back home, but I imagine that it would have made the news if players writhed in feigned agony a minimum of 24 times in a game (that's accounting for 12 supposed freak injuries per 45 minute half).

I just can't take any of it seriously. I mean—once bitten, twice shy. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me. Trick me repeatedly in a soccer game, and I lose interest.

At best, I have the burning desire to yell, "Have you no shame?" every time a player stops mid-writhe, looks out of the corner of his eye, and after determining that the ref didn't fall for it, he hops up & skips back to his position like nothing happened.

At worst, I look like a callous woman for not gasping, and hanging off the edge of my seat when it does, in fact, turn out to be a real-live injury. The way I see it, I have a 1 in 24 (okay, maybe 1 in 12) chance that something bad is actually happening. Rest assured, I will genuinely be concerned when I see the little ambulance take them off. Stretchers appear to be part of the show, more often than not, so that cannot be a defining factor.

Since I never watched soccer until I moved here, I have no reference. In the interest of trying to understand if this is a part of the worldwide football culture, I did a little research. Is it truly like this all around the world? From some of the comments I saw in the clip below, it seems like Italy gets a bad rap for this very reason.

Here's another video from some kids in Uruguay. Apparently I'm not the only one who's jaded...

Really, I think it would be so much easier to follow if they could just spell it out for us, like so:

So now I ask you soccer/futbol fans out there:

Who are the biggest offenders? Who is consistently trying to get their acting break via soccer? Break it down for us.

Out of the worldwide league, who are the top 3 UMMPH-A-WHOOMPH-As? What about the South American teams? Feel free to analyze the teams within a country, as well... I saw comments that pointed to a specific team in Brazil, while other commenters said it's a widespread epidemic. Who is right?

Also, how can I reconcile my trust issues with this game? Should I just liken it to another sport's version of The Globetrotters? If so, I'd like to see more tricks.

Kidding!

Any pointers? Please advise.