Late Bloomer

I am a late bloomer, it seems, when it comes to bloomin' buds (and I'm not talking horticulture or British expletives). I'm talking about taste buds. Being an expat changed my palette, and not in the way you'd think.

I've always enjoyed trying new foods. I grew up in Austin, a city where well over a third of my meals were Tex-Mex punctuated by Vietnamese, Italian, and Texas Bar-B-Que, and peppered with Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, Cajun, Brazilian and "Southern" foods.

Pie Chart Coolness

I'd say that my tastes are well-rounded, though some people would beg to differ. People who seem to think that not liking PBJs ...and mayo, coleslaw, stuffing, candied yams, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, Caesar salad, banana splits, chicken fried steak, breakfast sandwiches or anything chocolaty with peanut butter is downright Un-American.

I understand that I may seem to be building a case against myself (and am probably setting myself up for a round of hate mail), but I also don't like corned beef, meatloaf, dinner rolls, dumplings or gravy, so it's not only "traditional American dishes" that are on my Try Another Day list.

Far Side

True, Thanksgiving Day meals have always been a challenge, but it isn't like I didn't give these things a try for a good decade or so. I think I was about 19 when I started having a taste [teaspoon] of peanut butter, every now and then (which was promptly followed by a tall glass of milk). I only ate mayo with tuna, egg, or potato salads, and opted for mustard when possible.

Then I moved to Goiânia.

We all know the old adage, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," but it appears to apply to taste buds, as well.

It wasn't until I was living in a particular part of the country where everything is pretty much same-same (whether you happen to be at a cookout, restaurant, or relative's house), and things like peanut butter are hard to come by, that I suddenly decided that I really couldn't stand another day without it. And that I inexplicably missed it so badly that I'd eat an entire jar (in a matter of weeks) when I found it.

Then came the mayo urges.

I didn't even know who I was anymore.

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Finally, I found myself turning into more of a mad scientist than cook, concocting strange food mixtures born out of desperation (things that would make any decent cook or food lover cringe).

The horror... the horror...

I don't want you to be naive regarding the culinary purgatory that awaits expats who are not headed to major cultural hubs. Those of you bound for global cities can file this away under, "Whew! Dodged that one."

Those of you moving into the middle of nowhere, or worse, somewhere that for no logical or logistical reason, curiously and unnecessarily resists change like a cat resists bath time, take heed:

There will come a day when you try, against all odds, to recreate a particularly elusive taste from home. Your desperation will be directly linked — not unlike your threshold for weird combos — to just how bland the local stuff is, or how homogeneous the condiment and spice aisles are at local stores.

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While I will neither confirm nor deny certain attempts at recreating gumbo, enchiladas, and/or queso without the aid of anything remotely resembling what was needed, I can tell you that through shared expat stories & recipes, I was able to successfully make sour cream (or as we labeled that kitchen experiment: "Cloud Nine").

Just watch yourself. No one back home needs to know the frightening depths to which you were willing to sink in order to appease your sense of taste. Don't get caught tweaking a bowl of already-prepared salsa with a squirt of ketchup once you are back where these things are not only unheard of, but a crime.

Of course, other things might be tip-offs that you've been shaken to the core. Things like a 180 in your stance on mayo & peanut butter.

OFL - Onomatopoeia as a Foreign Language

As an adult, I came to realize that not everyone grew up in an onomatopoeically and ideophonically inclined household. It was only after the 20th comment, or so, by a random stranger that I noticed not everyone's O.I. vocabulary is quite as, um, "developed."

Okay, okay... I use weird sound effects in place of regular words sometimes.

Onomatopoeias and ideophones are words that phonetically imitate the sound of something that we otherwise wouldn't have a word for. They may eventually reach the point that they're officially recognized words which is how oink, swoosh, bam, and meow came into being. These kinds of words are vital to the comic book industry.

The need for onomatopoeic and ideophonic words is universal, as most languages incorporate a handful into the language. There are those that argue this is how some languages developed at a base level.

One might think that this shared phenomenon could be used as a bridge to cross language barriers, but strangely enough, that is most often not the case. Whatever language we speak and whatever sounds we are accustomed to hearing, directly influences our perception of other sounds.

To see some interesting differences in how we hear animal sounds in different languages, check out this video. I found it intriguing that every language featured, with the exception of Japanese, does hear a version of "Meow."

Bow Wow Meow - Animal Sounds in Different Languages from properniceinnit on Vimeo.

The differing perceptions of everyday sounds is why I feel so strongly that the absolute first step to getting a grasp on any language is to learn the sounds of the language.

For example:

I used to be unable to correctly hear the name of one of the doormen at my apartment in Goiânia — a guy that I depended on for my safety & security. Not only did I need to get to know him, but I needed him to get to know me (which isn't always easy when there's a language barrier). ...but I couldn't even understand his name, much less say it.

So I tried.

...and tried.

I must have asked him to repeat his name about a dozen times, before I finally asked him how to spell it. And after this experience, I no longer hesitate to ask how to spell anything.

Why didn't I ask him in the first place?

Someone (giver of unending bad adaptation/assimilation advice) had told me that I "shouldn't ask people how to spell their names because they'd think it was weird."

I think that meeting someone regularly, and never being able to say their name is more weird, personally.

I also think that they only said that because they thought it was embarrassing, for some reason. Or maybe I seemed too nerdy with my pen & mini spiral that I could whip out at a moment's notice. Whatever the reasoning, it was bad advice, and as soon as I ignored it the doors to understanding opened up.

Prior to getting the correct spelling so that I could sound it out, it went something like:

Me: "I'm sorry, what is your name, again?"
Him: "Jblblbz%tuiblblblblϟgkblblblo@iwblblblber." (...or something?)
Me: "Oh... Okay. Thanks!" (not getting it, at all)

So when I finally asked him to spell it, it went like this:

Me: "I'm sorry, but could you spell your name for me? It's hard for me to understand because Portuguese is my second language."
Him: "Sure. It's J-U-R-A-N-D-I-R."
Me: "Oh, 'Zhuuur-rdahhhhn-zheer'"
Him: "Yes. That's it." (probably thinking, "Finally!")
Me: "Okay, great, Jurandir! Thank you!" (thinking, "Wow, that was easy ...and I'll never have to ask again!")

Although knowing the sounds of a language makes it easier to understand how another culture hears the world, homegrown sounds that you may have taken for granted to fall back on (if your language isn't up to par) may not help you out as much as you think they will.

For instance, there is very basic and simple onomatopoeic sound that is identical in both English & Portuguese, that is in no way related to the other.

The same clicking sound made with the tongue, used for getting a horse to "giddyap" in the United States, is used in Brazil as a big fat "negatory," or "não." They are not telling you to get along, little dogie, they are just saying no, without an actual word.

(To enlarge, right-click and open in a new window.)

Then there's this classic.

The first time you're in a place where you are supposed to be quiet, but are needing to get the attention of someone, you might think that the good ol' fashioned, "Psssssssst!" will suffice in getting someone's attention.

Uh, not in Brazil.

It honestly perplexed me when I found out how similar (to me, anyway) the Brazilian Portuguese version is to the "Psssssst" I was using (because I didn't know how the other one went, yet).

It was like everyone had on Pssssst-cancelling headphones.

When I later discovered that the way to do it in Brazil is "Psiu" (pronounced: "P-see-you") I just couldn't believe that no one got my American English version.

Really?!? No one thought that I might be discreetly trying to get their attention? Huh.

Speaking of classics, it reminded me of this comic by Gary Larson, creator of The Far Side.

So now ya know, and we all know that is half the battle.

Psiu! Pass it on!

Something Strange This Way Brews

Did I ever tell you about that time we ate psychotropic soup?

There is an Amazonian soup that is known as Tacacá (pronounced: "tah-kah-KAH") that is made with broth of a fermented poisonous root base, known as Tucupi (pronounced: too-koo-pee), and incorporates the leaves of a plant called Jambú (pronounced: "zhahm-boo"), which is known (among other things) for medicinal uses and, um, biological pest control applications.

Congratulations! You now know 100% more than we did before we ingested it.

"...yes, some people don't like it."

"Some people say it makes their mouth numb."

"Some people have become a little 'excited' due to the strength of the taste."

"Some people start to scratch their entire bodies, and get agitated."

To which I asked (each time),

"The plant?"

The hostess ignored me explained that it is a traditional plant used in many dishes in the northern region of Brazil, in the Amazonias. My friend noted that I might be "allergic" since she had been "allergic" when she tried a dish made with this plant before.

Although this may seem like an overabundance of information for someone about to partake in a Gargamel-style special, because no one came out and said the words,

"There have been known psychoactive effects, when the medicinal plant is combined with the fermented poisonous root broth"

I was still unclear as to what would unfold.

They didn't mention the fermented poisonous root broth? Nope. Neither the hostess, nor my friend (who is now suspect in my book) thought it would behoove me to have the full picture.

Experimentation is always more fun that way!


We were trying out a new restaurant that had popped up in our neighborhood, in recent months. It seemed like we were always going to eat elsewhere when we saw it, so just days before, we'd made the decision to go try it out the next time we decided to grab a bite.

We did note the curious absence of any kind of hint as to what type of restaurant it was.

You know:

NAME
Culinary Description (Bar-B-Que, Sushi, Vegan, etc.)
Kind of Scene (Restaurant, Grill, Bar & Grill, etc.)

This restaurant simply had a one-word name, which appeared to be a play on the word "rare."

Our friends called, and mentioned that they were just a few blocks away, so we thought it was a perfect opportunity to go check it out. My husband kept saying, "you know, that new restaurant..."

They said they'd meet us there, so it was a date. I was very excited to go.

It was a beautiful restaurant! It was chic, upscale, and romantic, with strategically placed low-lit luminaires that cast a certain glow. By the time we arrived, our friends were already deep in conversation with the owner. We learned that she uses the recipes and ingredients of the Amazonian people of northern Brazil. My friend noted that I might be allergic to a few of the plants that she uses in her dishes.

One drawback in moving to a new country or region, is that one may discover "new allergies" while living there. A pepper that is used, "just for the smell," and a leafy plant that is similar to lettuce (that I'm sure is a distant cousin of the radish) are the two main culprits to which I am allergic; and they use them in almost everything in this region of the country.

There was, however, a hitch to this particular restaurant, in that even after I told her which items I was allergic to... she just ignored me again said that she puts them in all the dishes. That was that. Not only rude, but weird: any other restaurant that I've been to here in Goiânia has offered to withhold the items to which I'm allergic, from their dish.

The much-discussed mystery plant was in the entree that we selected, along with 3 jumbo shrimp in a native broth. To be honest, I just wanted the shrimp. We are [way] inland, so shrimp is a rarity for us.

When the entree arrived, I noticed the strange little tripod cauldron with ornate handles, in which it was ceremoniously served. She explained that this is a "traditional" serving dish, and she would instruct us as to how to proceed.

It was at this point, that I began to wonder about the whole "ritual" of the experience. I also considered that she could just be "show-boatin'," as we say back home.

My husband took the first sip from the urn. He said it was delicious. My friend issued another warning that I should avoid the leaves, and start with the broth to see if there would be any adverse effects. I tried it. It was awesome, and not unlike watered down steak sauce - A.1., to be precise.

My friend wasn't having any, since she's allergic to shrimp. They said that last time her husband ate shrimp and then kissed her on the lips, (in her husband's words) "she swoll up like Angelina Jolie for the rest of the evening." Ha-ha!

After drinking quite a bit, with seemingly no ill effects (I really couldn't get enough of the broth) I decided to try one of the leaves. I chose one of the smallest, just in case.

The initial reaction was of my tongue and mouth going numb, followed by my throat... and about five minutes later, I recognized the psychotropic effects. It was freaky-deaky (and not in a good way), but still low on the freaky scale compared to the no disclaimer policy, prior to being served this far-out fare.



Everyone started talking excitedly at the same time (or maybe it just seemed that way because I was high), all trying to explain the effects of this entree. This includes my friend, who wasn't partaking: she's just naturally caffeinated.

I sat straight up — almost convulsed to attention — and it felt like the bones of my cranium were being expanded. Within minutes, I had a migraine that lasted for about 24 hours. My husband was mildly freaking out, stating that he had "never experimented with drugs, but [was] quite sure this is what mushroom tea must feel like."

Apparently, the more leaves are ingested with the broth, the more intense the chemical reaction. (Read: psychoactive!) It was later that I found out that the leaves are used for their medicinal properties of anesthesia in other areas in the country. I was fortunate, in that I only ate 3 small leaves before I recognized weirdness. My husband, on the other hand, had eaten the equivalent of half a can of cooked spinach. However, I drank a whole lot more broth than he did.

At the point where it felt like my brain was going to explode, we asked for the check and my friend says, "I told you, you might have an allergic reaction." I told her it most definitely wasn't an allergy, so much as it was a psychotropic effect.

Then she says, "Oh... maybe that's why that time I had some, I freaked out and ran out of the restaurant, all the way to my mom's house in the next neighborhood. I thought it was the shrimp."

I wanted to strangle her.

The final results were that the anesthetic properties of the leaves caused my husband to pass out directly, after the short drive home. Four blocks, and he face-planted on our bed, fully clothed: shoes and all.

In my case, however, the stimulating properties of the broth (that happens to contain lethal amounts of hydrogen cyanide, prior to fermenting) caused my heart to nearly beat out of my chest. I went through the motions of jogging, doing flips, possibly the running man, and jumping jacks from a lying position on my bed, for the next 2 hours. This was accentuated with occasional muscle spasms, shouts, and groans for help. That was in addition to the migraine that wouldn't let go - even the next day.

The thing that bugged us was not only the outrageous prices of this restaurant (they charged us 40 bucks for a 16oz soup), but the lack of warning from our friends who had apparently been there, done that.

The restaurant wasn't new. It had just been remodeled.

It was empty, I'm assuming, because others had heard of the curious chow served to the unaware, and steered clear.

All in all, we would like to have been privy to the big picture, so that we could PASS... but, as my friend would concur, where's the fun in that?

At the very least, this event was yet another a testament to the validity of my screen name.

Image found here.

Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol. XII

5 Kinds of Films Your Life Does and Does Not Resemble as an Expat

I remember that in the weeks leading up to my first visit to Brazil, many people asked me what I thought it was going to be like.

I honestly had no idea, and didn't want to.

I even asked my husband not to tell me too much so that I wouldn't have some preconceived notion. I knew that no matter how many books I read, movies I watched, or stories I heard... it wouldn't be anything like my own personal experience.

Image found here.

I didn't want to have any expectations, good or bad. Some of my Brazilian friends in the U.S. (unnecessarily) worried that I wouldn't be able to adjust to the pace, aesthetics, or lack of availability of certain things.

I assured them it would be fine... and it was (with the exception of a few ill-fated incidents —  including a wax session gone awry & going a few rounds with a sadistic acupuncturist). Good times!

While we were making the preparations to move, everyone was once again asking me what it would be like. Still, I didn't really have an answer.

My first visit I hadn't spoken the language, had only stayed for a few weeks, and had only seen a certain side of the city where I would eventually live, due to the clandestine nature of my first trip.

What side? The inside of about 20 doctors' offices, the medical tourism side — a subject that needs a couple of posts, in & of itself. More on that some other time.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what day-to-day life would be like once I wasn't earning dollars (so the money wouldn't stretch as far), once I knew the language (so I could catch all of the inferences in a seemingly normal conversation), once I didn't stand out as a "tourist" (so I wouldn't automatically be exploited financially or service-wise, a phenomenon commonly known as paying the "Gringo Tax"), or once I was left to explore this thing on my own terms (without someone to usher me here or there).

After living in central Brazil for awhile, I began to see a stark difference in what some tourists thought they were coming to experience, and the reality of how it is living as an expat somewhere.

As I've reiterated a ridiculous number of times, this is purely based on my personal experience, and while unique, I feel I've discovered a few universal truths in the general expat experience.

One day it hit me that these particulars are most easily seen & best contrasted through a few movies.

Top 5 Films You Thought You Might Be Able To Relate To As An Expat:

1. Under the Tuscan Sun
   Maybe 3% of expats will be able to create and live a fairy tale life abroad, on their own. Of course, money helps. ...and keep in mind that about 97.5% of statistics are made up on the spot.


2. Lost in Translation
   Loneliness, insomnia, & culture shock - Check! Finding someone to share it with or relate to you... Mmmmaybe. Seriously, though, good luck with that!


3. The Ramen Girl
   While you may find yourself periodically shedding tears in your bowl of whatever, this will probably only raise your blood pressure, not your general standing with those around you.


4. Seven Years in Tibet
   Captivating, sure, but life is rigged so that things are more likely to end up somewhere along the lines of All the Pretty Horses or Brokedown Palace.


5. Romancing the Stone
   What? I had to throw that one in here for all the adventure-loving girls that are not averse to an unlikely romance.

Top 5 Film Themes You Can Actually Relate To As An Expat:

1. Post-apocalyptic survivor movies like The Book of Eli or Waterworld may resonate with you on a certain level, as you totally relate to the people willing to trade a portion of their pinky finger or their favorite _________ for certain unattainable food items, beauty products, or other creature comforts. In my case, for example, some foods gradually became available over the years, so some of my fellow expat friends will never have to know the pain of gorging oneself on a bag of corn tortilla chips, or the resulting despair and regret that you could not control yourself enough to make it stretch until the next care package arrives.
   
   
   


2. Alien (or Fantasy Other) films like E.T. or Splash might not seem that far out there. Everything is new-to-you, as an alien of sorts. Feeling like a fish out of water is not uncommon, while you try to find your sea legs. Consider me your siren (as in warning bells, not femme fatale) and this Five Facts Series to be a treasure map of sorts. All manner of gems can be dredged up from my past mistakes, so that you can just pass go and collect accolades.
   
   
   


3. Fantasy adventure movies such as Alice in Wonderland or The Wizard of Oz may seem like an uncanny parallel with your new reality (life imitating far-out art) as you try to regain your footing, and get with the program, in a strange new world replete with undiscovered cultural quirks. A stint with the in-laws in close quarters will drive this point home very quickly. (How do you think I got my screen name?) Here's hoping you are able to land on your feet gracefully.
   
   
   


4. Bumbling detective/spy comedies like The Pink Panther and Get Smart will hopefully only ring true with ridiculous dialogue and hilariously mixed signals, as you run down leads on just about everything that used to be a normal aspect of your day. Simple tasks may, more often than not, seem like your very own Mission Impossible until your decoder ring is synced. The physical mishaps & pitfalls are just icing on the cake. I think it took me about 2 years to stop pushing against the door that clearly said PULL in Portuguese: puxe (pronounced: "poo-shee") ...which never failed to give me pause, or generate snickers from onlookers.
   
   
   


5. Funny and inspiring, Groundhog Day may well be the key to not just "surviving" what may seem like a daily do-over. Endeavoring to make a difference with the time you have, right where you are, and being patient (with yourself first, and then others) will help you find your happy place, while becoming a productive, if not endearing, member of your community.
   
   
   

Speaking of expat movies, I highly recommend the film City of Ghosts. There are some things that are better learned in the classroom, as opposed to a field trip. This movie is very well done, and accurately portrays some of seedier expats that we may or may not have run across out there.

Do you have a favorite expat movie? What are some of the worst expat movies you have seen? Recommendations and warnings are welcome in the comment section below.

Misdemeanin'

When learning Portuguese, you may be surprised to hear a few English words peppering conversations here and there. A handful of English words have entered Brazilian Portuguese. Most are Brazilianized forms of an English term, and are spelled according to Brazilian Portuguese pronunciation, such as "blogue" for "blog." However, there are other seemingly random English words that appear in everyday conversation that don't actually hold true to the original English meaning.

source

Depending on just how well you speak Portuguese and which English word it is, this could make for some major confusion. You see, there are some English terms or phrases that only halfway entered Brazilian Portuguese. These English words might be connected somehow through a word map, but then again, it could just be something that someone heard somewhere and brought back here, with a misunderstood or slightly different meaning.

Though some of these words may have started out as slang here, they are now full-fledged proper terms. As a foreigner trying to make the transition, you will need to learn the Brazilian Portuguese meaning of some originally English words.

Here are the top 5 English words that mostly made it into Brazilian Portuguese. They are pronounced the same as in English, unless otherwise noted.

1. Shopping = We know this as a shopping mall or mall.


2. Smoking = We know this as a tuxedo.
   
   I have four theories on that one. It is either derived from...
   • a "smoking jacket"
   • from the phrase "smoking hot"
   • someone heard someone else say, "You're smokin'!" and misunderstood it as, "Your Smoking[, Sir]."
   • or someone heard the phrase, "a smoking gun," and got a mental image of James Bond. Hence, um smoking turned into a tuxedo.


3. Personal [pronounced: "pear-sown-all"] = We know this as a personal trainer or trainer.


4. Outdoor [pronounced: "ouch-door"] = We know this as a billboard or a large panel for outdoor advertising.


5. Face = This is what all the kids in Brazil are calling facebook, these days.

source

Not knowing the Brazilian Portuguese definition of these English terms can cause major confusion. Here is a conversation that took place between my husband and me when we first arrived.

Him: "I'm thinking of working with my brother in the outdoors."
Me: "Oh, really? What does he do?"
Him: "Outdoors."
Me: "...but what does he do outdoors?"
Him: (frustrated) "He works with the outdoors."
Me: (wondering where the miscommunication is) "Okay, but out... in the great outdoors... what does he do?"
Him: @#$%^&*!

...and now you know. Be sure to jot down these English words (and new meanings) inside the back cover of your English to Portuguese dictionary.

I highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of the Dicionário Didático (Guided Dictionary) by Edições SM. It has over 50,000 definitions that include the latest generation's slang terms, newly coined words, acronyms, and abbreviations. It truly gives you the best glimpse into modern Brazilian Portuguese.

They also have the Dicionário Didático Básico, which is a kids' edition. It has 7,000 words, more illustrations and pictures, and the definitions are explained simply & clearly. If you are just starting to learn Portuguese, it will be a great addition to your study materials.

Contact info for this book dealer is on the last page of the pdf for the Dicionário Didático & Dicionário Didático Básico. I was fortunate to find a location nearby, here in Goiânia. I only wish that I had run across these resources during the first few years! It would have made life so much easier. Then again, I'd have fewer ridiculous stories to tell...

Somewhere Along the Grain

Something that literally threw me for a loop when I got here, was how the city is built in an ever-expanding circle. More than half of the main streets are one-way, which can really trip someone up if they aren't from around here. Due to the ever-winding one-way roads and very rare lights where you can make a left, it's not as simple as going "around the block" to get you where you need to go (say, if you just accidentally passed it up). It could take you at least four rights to get you back to Point A.

Although this was the direct cause of my tardiness for most of my appointments the first year, it also helped me to become familiar with my new city in record time. Several people that have lived here all their lives, tell me that I now know Goiânia better than they do!

Image found here.

To compound the issue of trying to find a place for the first time, the way directions given here are quite different than what I'm accustomed to back home. I am used to hearing things like,

"Go north on I-35, until you reach the 290 East exit. Take a right, and go down two lights. Take a left at the light. We are located in the shopping center on the northwest corner of the intersection."

If someone tells me to go "up the street," then I follow the ascending street numbers. I can find new places in a heartbeat. Even if there is someone on the line who may not be good with directions, they typically know which side of the road they are on (N,S,E,W) or in which corner you will find them (NW, SW, SE, NE) — or someone in the office will. That's just how we do things in Austin.

Here, there are a few different challenges to getting directions. One major factor is that not everyone drives, and a good portion of the population buses it to work so they don't really pay attention to the streets, or may only be familiar with the roundabout route that their particular bus takes.

Another issue is that some directions tend to work only if you are [already] somewhat familiar with the area in question. For example, when you hear someone tell you to go up or down the street, they are saying this literally. Physically. Topographically-speaking. If there's a hill, then you apply directions accordingly. Here, Jack & Jill went up the street.

Image found here.

I'll be honest. This confuses the heck out of me. Where I'm from hills have two (or more) easily distinguishable sides, not to mention that to me (with my obviously untrained eye), most streets in Goiania appear to be flat ...and even if there is an incline, it's never just one. Of the roads that are alleged hills here, they seem more wavy than hilly... no definite beginning or end ...or top ...or bottom.

But there was something else about the [disproportionate — as in verging on conspiracy theories] degree of difficulty in getting directions that I wasn't quite able to put my finger on, until it hit me the other night, while watching I, Robot. Dr. Lanning's hologram said perfectly in English, what various secretaries are relaying in Portuguese (more or less).

I'm not asking the right question. Their responses are limited.

I recently played 20 questions with a secretary at a major medical clinic downtown (that's where the really curved & looping one-way roads are found). I tried asking for directions using various landmarks until I found one that she was familiar with. She still didn't answer my question, but I was able to narrow it down to the correct part of town.

{insert maniacal laughter}

Silly tourist! You think a simple street name helps with that?

Due to being built in an ever-expanding circle, the city has several different groups of streets that are split by the main circle ...and pick up on the other side of town.

It's funny how no one seems to mention that fact until you've made this discovery all on your own.

(You're welcome.)

My best advice is to buy a map to carry with you, study Google maps at home, and leave about 45 minutes early, until you feel comfortable enough within the maze known as Goiânia. On the upside, it's a good lookin' city, so the view isn't bad no matter where you end up.

Alice in Wonderland Maze by Srulink | source

Happy trails!

Some Things Don't Translate

...in this case I'm referring to good prices, and a certain slogan that assures me I can have things my way. Perhaps that is old school. Have things changed that much in six years? Then again, it could just be good ol' fashioned highway robbery. You be the judge.

Living in a place where you are hard-pressed to find home flavors can drive people to certain lengths (as I alluded to in my previous post). In my case, it drives me to occasionally eating fast food — fast food that is considered chic in a place where it isn't all that common. This can come with a hefty price tag, depending on where you go. On those days where I'd give a portion of my left pinky to taste something reminiscent of home, I think it's worth it.

On those days where I see a blatant disregard for the fact that the minimum monthly wage here is R$600, and someone is trying to charge people R$8.50 for less than (when you factor in ice — I measured it) a 10 oz cup of watered down soda [when you can by a 2.5 liter of coke for R$5-6 at any convenience store] ...I get peeved.

At first, I attributed it to some foreign company that doesn't have a clue about the cost of living here. ...but that can't be right, can it? Of course, how could anyone living here also live with their conscience, if they know that this is grossly overcharging people for a drink [thereby excluding a large portion of the population]? I know I couldn't do it.

All I know is that THIS is not right:

What's wrong with this picture? (Other than the gum that I wadded into this receipt out of disgust before deciding to rant online about it. Sorry about that!)

Please right-click and open in a new window to enlarge.

So if it was that expensive... why did I pay for it, and not stop by a convenience store?

Three reasons:

1. I mistakenly heard a different total (trusty drive-thru intercoms), otherwise I would have amended it before I rounded the building, where my drink was already sticking out of the window. You see, they weren't finished making my burger, and I didn't want any extra "secret" ingredient.


2. Unlike my hometown, convenience stores aren't all that easy to find, and with all of the one way streets in this town, it is actually anything but convenient. I thought about calling them not-quite-convenience stores, but that has a somewhat negative ring to it.


3. I was starving, thirsty, and exhausted enough to not want to walk any extra step that I absosmurfly did not have to.

Although flagrant price gouging could be the norm for the other international fast food chains that are starting to pop up here, the prices are typically much, much less. I'm assuming that's because they want to achieve some measure of succe$$ with the population as a whole.

This is by far the worst case I've seen, yet. Other competitors such as McDonald's and Subway charge less than half of what was charged here (for the same size drink) making it a more affordable option for the masses.

I hope that the powers that be somewhere see this, and reign in their overcharging minions. I suspect they will see an increase in revenue, as more of the everyday people will be able to afford it.

I also suspect that they will need to invest in marketing that informs people that the idea of having a meal here is now more realistic for the average João.