Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol. XII

5 Kinds of Films Your Life Does and Does Not Resemble as an Expat

I remember that in the weeks leading up to my first visit to Brazil, many people asked me what I thought it was going to be like.

I honestly had no idea, and didn't want to.

I even asked my husband not to tell me too much so that I wouldn't have some preconceived notion. I knew that no matter how many books I read, movies I watched, or stories I heard... it wouldn't be anything like my own personal experience.

Image found here.

I didn't want to have any expectations, good or bad. Some of my Brazilian friends in the U.S. (unnecessarily) worried that I wouldn't be able to adjust to the pace, aesthetics, or lack of availability of certain things.

I assured them it would be fine... and it was (with the exception of a few ill-fated incidents —  including a wax session gone awry & going a few rounds with a sadistic acupuncturist). Good times!

While we were making the preparations to move, everyone was once again asking me what it would be like. Still, I didn't really have an answer.

My first visit I hadn't spoken the language, had only stayed for a few weeks, and had only seen a certain side of the city where I would eventually live, due to the clandestine nature of my first trip.

What side? The inside of about 20 doctors' offices, the medical tourism side — a subject that needs a couple of posts, in & of itself. More on that some other time.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what day-to-day life would be like once I wasn't earning dollars (so the money wouldn't stretch as far), once I knew the language (so I could catch all of the inferences in a seemingly normal conversation), once I didn't stand out as a "tourist" (so I wouldn't automatically be exploited financially or service-wise, a phenomenon commonly known as paying the "Gringo Tax"), or once I was left to explore this thing on my own terms (without someone to usher me here or there).

After living in central Brazil for awhile, I began to see a stark difference in what some tourists thought they were coming to experience, and the reality of how it is living as an expat somewhere.

As I've reiterated a ridiculous number of times, this is purely based on my personal experience, and while unique, I feel I've discovered a few universal truths in the general expat experience.

One day it hit me that these particulars are most easily seen & best contrasted through a few movies.

Top 5 Films You Thought You Might Be Able To Relate To As An Expat:

1. Under the Tuscan Sun
   Maybe 3% of expats will be able to create and live a fairy tale life abroad, on their own. Of course, money helps. ...and keep in mind that about 97.5% of statistics are made up on the spot.


2. Lost in Translation
   Loneliness, insomnia, & culture shock - Check! Finding someone to share it with or relate to you... Mmmmaybe. Seriously, though, good luck with that!


3. The Ramen Girl
   While you may find yourself periodically shedding tears in your bowl of whatever, this will probably only raise your blood pressure, not your general standing with those around you.


4. Seven Years in Tibet
   Captivating, sure, but life is rigged so that things are more likely to end up somewhere along the lines of All the Pretty Horses or Brokedown Palace.


5. Romancing the Stone
   What? I had to throw that one in here for all the adventure-loving girls that are not averse to an unlikely romance.

Top 5 Film Themes You Can Actually Relate To As An Expat:

1. Post-apocalyptic survivor movies like The Book of Eli or Waterworld may resonate with you on a certain level, as you totally relate to the people willing to trade a portion of their pinky finger or their favorite _________ for certain unattainable food items, beauty products, or other creature comforts. In my case, for example, some foods gradually became available over the years, so some of my fellow expat friends will never have to know the pain of gorging oneself on a bag of corn tortilla chips, or the resulting despair and regret that you could not control yourself enough to make it stretch until the next care package arrives.
   
   
   


2. Alien (or Fantasy Other) films like E.T. or Splash might not seem that far out there. Everything is new-to-you, as an alien of sorts. Feeling like a fish out of water is not uncommon, while you try to find your sea legs. Consider me your siren (as in warning bells, not femme fatale) and this Five Facts Series to be a treasure map of sorts. All manner of gems can be dredged up from my past mistakes, so that you can just pass go and collect accolades.
   
   
   


3. Fantasy adventure movies such as Alice in Wonderland or The Wizard of Oz may seem like an uncanny parallel with your new reality (life imitating far-out art) as you try to regain your footing, and get with the program, in a strange new world replete with undiscovered cultural quirks. A stint with the in-laws in close quarters will drive this point home very quickly. (How do you think I got my screen name?) Here's hoping you are able to land on your feet gracefully.
   
   
   


4. Bumbling detective/spy comedies like The Pink Panther and Get Smart will hopefully only ring true with ridiculous dialogue and hilariously mixed signals, as you run down leads on just about everything that used to be a normal aspect of your day. Simple tasks may, more often than not, seem like your very own Mission Impossible until your decoder ring is synced. The physical mishaps & pitfalls are just icing on the cake. I think it took me about 2 years to stop pushing against the door that clearly said PULL in Portuguese: puxe (pronounced: "poo-shee") ...which never failed to give me pause, or generate snickers from onlookers.
   
   
   


5. Funny and inspiring, Groundhog Day may well be the key to not just "surviving" what may seem like a daily do-over. Endeavoring to make a difference with the time you have, right where you are, and being patient (with yourself first, and then others) will help you find your happy place, while becoming a productive, if not endearing, member of your community.
   
   
   

Speaking of expat movies, I highly recommend the film City of Ghosts. There are some things that are better learned in the classroom, as opposed to a field trip. This movie is very well done, and accurately portrays some of seedier expats that we may or may not have run across out there.

Do you have a favorite expat movie? What are some of the worst expat movies you have seen? Recommendations and warnings are welcome in the comment section below.

October Rain?

This region really only has two seasons, although each of these seasons has a hot and a cool side to it.

Clear Skies in July Along the Araguaia River

The dry season typically runs from April through October, though it can come early and/or stay late. Without the buffer of rain clouds, temperatures usually soar to about 100°F, with a short respite in May and/or June. These cooler months bring welcomed temperatures that can get as low as 50°F at night, with highs in the 70s during the day.

Within a month or two of the rainy season coming to an end, the region is a veritable dust bowl. Even if there is a cool breeze at some point during the day, people think twice about opening their windows (in a place where few homes have air conditioning). The fertile earth here is a fine red clay that travels easily on the wind, and coats everything in a powdery film. During these months, a very definite red haze hangs over the skyline.

The rainy season is sweet relief for housekeepers who have battled against the seemingly never-ending layer of red dust, as well as for those suffering from cracked and bleeding sinuses. Of course, the next few months of steady rain produce another irritant: mold. Aside from the mold, the rain is welcomed with open umbrellas.

October Rains in the Goiás Countryside

The rainy season can start as early as October, or as late as December, and normally continues through mid March. In the first month or so, temperatures dip slightly and last only for the duration of the showers, climbing back up to Sweltering in the humid aftermath. Depending on how heavy the rains are, and how much rainfall there is during the next few months, the rains start to have a cooling effect. The more rain received, the cooler it gets.

For personal optimum cooling effect, I have renounced umbrellas. I stay cool and... damp. While that is generally considered uncivilized for a woman [around these parts, especially, since most women get a weekly blowout that would be ruined if exposed to water], I'm willing to go to great lengths (such as "window shopping" inside high-end shops where I won't actually buy anything since I'm really only there for the AC) and resort to "lazy" practices (like "ignoring" — not hiding from the rain) to lower my body temperature. It's an ongoing battle in a place where air conditioning is a privilege. I've even considered buying a cooling vest, but that would probably make me stand out even more than walking in the rain.

"Hiding" from rain seems to be a cultural thing. I've received countless strange looks, been the subject of mumbling observations, and even audibly chided when I walk and don't run for cover, as it starts to rain. I usually laugh and tell people that while I may be sweet, I'm not made of sugar, so I won't melt. No one ever thinks this is funny. This is serious! There are various old wives' tales that allude to Death by Damp Hair — and this doesn't only apply to the women. Sometimes, we Americans are really surprised at how things can grind to a halt if it starts to sprinkle.

A fellow Texan and friend of mine was working on a construction project near the end of the dry season. It was hotter than Hades. While on a delivery of supplies to the site one day, it started sprinkling. The workers couldn't be coaxed out to finish unloading the truck until it stopped. We thought this would have been a relished opportunity for the hot and dusty workers to cool off, but they claimed that they would risk their health (in the warm drops of rain) if their heads were to get wet. My friend ended up unloading the rest of the supplies by himself. To us, this seemed quite bizarre. To the workers, my friend was a reckless risk taker.

Image found here.

I suspect this fear of rain stems from the heavy dew or sereno [pronounced: "seh-rdeh-no"] that falls at night in the countryside, where it tends to be cooler. I thought that this was all hype, like the rain superstitions, but the amount of dew that falls in this tropical region is impressive by any standard. Any uncovered surface will have small pools of standing water, within a matter of hours. If you are breathing it in, or if you get a wet head and it is cool outside, then it can cause a cold. Here, stargazing requires a hat... and some sleeves.

What about your region of the world? Are there any old wives' tales about rain? Do tell.

To enlarge pics, right-click and open in a new window.

Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol. X

In this installment of 5 Facts for Foreigners I'm taking aim at Americans. Why? Because I am one! I'm going to spill it on the major differences in daily drinks. Of course, what might be the norm for me in Central Texas may not be all that similar to the status quo in Maine, Washington, Florida, Minnesota, or California.

...or the Panhandle. (You get the idea.)

Still, these are the main differences that not only I have noticed, but other U.S. expats, as well.

Bottoms up!

1. Milk, as we know it in the states, is a hard thing to find. What is available at the supermarket is equivalent to a version of powdered milk that has already been liquefied. It is sold in cartons (available by the boxed dozen) that do not need to be refrigerated until opened. Boxed milk was developed to accommodate the lack of refrigeration in places that do not have electricity, and for the typically much smaller refrigerators, where a 1 liter box of milk will fit more easily than that of, say, a gallon (4 liters). We'd be naïve to assume this doesn't involve preservatives and/or artificial additives of some kind.
   
   For the record, the year I arrived there were a number of cases involving several companies, where consumers were sickened due to the ingredients. Apparently, someone got creative in trying to cut costs... and thought they'd spike the milk with bleach and peroxide, among other toxic ingredients. People were prosecuted, and boxed milk went back to being only mostly unnatural.
   
   
   
   Image found here.
   
   If the idea or taste of boxed milk isn't appealing, then you might try to find fresh milk (actual cow's milk)... at your own risk. You can find it at some of the local farmers' markets, or you might hear a vehicle roll past, booming, "o leite" (pronounced: "oh lay-ch") or "the milk." Depending on the source and scruples of the vendor, it might seem heavenly... or a few hours later, you could find yourself in the ER. I've seen it both ways—about once a year.


2. You will find most noncarbonated 1 liter drinks (such as juice or coconut water) in these easily storable cartons, with the exception of water. While these boxed drinks are great for saving space in the fridge, they are the go-to snag at social functions, as they tend to spill all over the place (no matter how many years you've been at it). It's not just me!
   
   
   
   
   
   Image found here.
   
   Avoid obvious pitfalls like offering to pour some grape juice for your friend's great aunt, who is dressed in her Sunday best. Trust me on that one. I've developed an almost fool-proof pouring method, but it's taken lots of practice in the comfort of my own kitchen. Remind me to make a How To vid to help the newbies.


3. There's a popular and innovative way to drink OJ that is like a natural version of the little juice boxes that the kids drink back home. Every time I've peeled an orange, and eaten it slice by slice, I've noticed that people were watching me intently. It's because here, they stick it in a peeler (or use a knife as shown in this video), peel it down to the white part of the rind (called the albedo), and then cut off the top. It is then used as a cross between a stress ball, and a juice box: squeeze & slurp, squeeze & slurp. The remaining hollow of the orange is usually tossed.
   
   
   
   
   
   To enlarge, right-click & open in a new window.


4. Coffee is served black, syrupy sweet, and is so strong that it is served as a shot. If you were used to drinking large cups of Starbucks coffee (4 sugars, 5 creamers) back home, like I was, this amounts to nothing short of cruel & unusual punishment. I usually just pass on the coffee, since it is not customary to add milk; but if I'm at the home of a close friend then I might ask to add a bit to make it drinkable.
   
   Image found here.
   
   However... the business, doctors', and government offices that you may find yourself in will be bereft of milk or cream. Almost everywhere you go, the complimentary stuff will be there... mocking you. Freshly brewed coffee smells great even to those who don't partake, but for those of us used to coffee creamer, this can be torture. With nothing creamy to cut it with, you will need to learn how to steel yourself against the constant assault on your senses. (You should be good to go in about 6 months.)  When all is said & done, run back to your place, put on a pot, and pass the milk. Stat!


5. Drinking directly out of a can or bottle is a no-no. (You heathen!) If you are at a snack bar, you will be offered a small plastic *cup or a **straw, or two, with your purchase of a canned or bottled beverage. This custom originated because cans are typically dirty, direct from the factory, and it isn't a good idea to willingly ingest germs. Of course, these days bottles have screw-on tops, and some beer companies now come with additional litter a nifty removable foil seal,  so... feel free to break protocol, but know that people might think you're a little different.

Awesome, right? Find them here.

• Most cups are a standard 5oz (150ml) size. The bigger 250ml (8oz) is known as the "Americano" size, although in Central Texas we are actually used to [at least] 32oz (946ml) drinks.* They do say everything's bigger in Texas...
• Please note that straws are generally 1/4 — 1/5 the size of our straws back home.**

Hope that wasn't too hard to swallow. Welcome to the deep end...

Cheers!

Dia dos Namorados, The Day of Lovers

June 12th is "Dia dos Namorados" [pronounced: "Jee-uh dohz Nah-more-ah-dohz"] or "The Day of Lovers," and is the Brazilian cousin of Valentine's Day.

Pic via Google Imagens

There are a few marked differences in the way we celebrate Valentine's Day back in the States. Dia dos Namorados is mainly celebrated by people in relationships: married, engaged, or dating. There is no blanket celebration like that of the United States, where people of all ages (especially kids in school) give cards, candy, cupcakes, balloons or gifts to each other in celebration of Valentine's.

Not knowing this, the first year I was here and teaching at an English school, I had some leftover Valentine's cards from the arsenal that I kept for my many nieces and nephews, and wanted to pass them out at the school. Since they celebrate every other American holiday, I thought everyone would get a kick out of seeing how we do it back home.

Image by Frescura

Not so. People at the school thought it was kinda weird, and weren't as thrilled with the Scooby-Doo Valentine's cards that I passed out as I'd hoped they'd be. All my husband said was, "That's because we don't do that here."

Oh, well... I guess I'll have to remember to bring them back with me on my next trip home, since it looks like I won't ever use them here.

Back to the Brazilian Day of Lovers...

Let's start by getting some terms under our belts. Remember that if the noun ends in an "—o" (in the singular form) it is masculine, and if it ends in an "—a" it is feminine. In the plural form, the regular ending is "—os," (m+m, m+f) unless, of course, it is indicating two feminine nouns (f+f) in which case it would be "—as."


The Essentials:

amor [pronounced: "ah-more"] = love

coração [pronounced: "koh-rdah-sown"] = heart

beijo(s) [pronounced: "bay-zh-oo/oh" (—ohz)"] = kiss, kisses

abraço(s) [pronounced: "ah-brah-soh (—ohz)"] = hug, hugs

apaixonado [pronounced: "ah-pie-show-nah-doh"] = in love

Image via Microsoft Office Clip Art home page

Relationships:

namorado(a) [pronounced: "nah-more-ah-doh (—dah)"] = boyfriend, girlfriend

namorados [pronounced: "nah-more-ah-dohz"] = bf/gf, a couple, lovers, sweethearts

noivo(a) [pronounced: "noy-voh (—vuh)"] = fiancé, fiancée

noivos [pronounced: "noy-vohz"] = fiancés

casal [pronounced: "cah-zahl"] = a couple, a pair, twosome, a married couple

esposo(a) [pronounced: "eh-spoh-zoh (—zuh)"] = spouse: husband, wife

esposos [pronounced: "eh-spoh-zohz"] = spouses

marido [pronounced: "mah-rdee-doh"] = husband

mulher [pronounced: "mool-yehr"] = woman (Think Murray in Clueless: 'Most of the feminine [references] do have mocking but not necessarily misogynistic undertones.' Personally, I side with Dionne on this one.)

Senhor(a) [pronounced: "sehn-yore (—uh)"]= Mr., Mrs.

amante [pronounced: "ah-mahn-ch"] = illicit lover


Nicknames:

meu amor [pronounced: "may-oo ah-more"] = my love

paixão [pronounced: "pie-shown"] = (my) passion

querido(a) [pronounced: "keh-rdee-doh (—dah)"] = dear, sweetie, darling


Bonus:

romântico [pronounced: "hoh-mahn-chee-koh"] = romantic

beijar [pronounced: "bay-zhar"] = to kiss

abraçando [pronounced: "ah-brah-sahn-doh"] = hugging


Dia dos Namorados is the day of lovers, so it is an exclusive thing. No love, no gift. If you have a significant other, then he or she will be delighted by any of the traditional pledges of your eternal love via gifts of chocolates, bouquets, cards, or gifts such as jewelry or perfume (at least, according to the commercials), plus one romantic dinner for two.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to fan the flame of love. As always, should you be caught forgetting the date or blowing off your love of X number of months, cupid will disavow all knowledge of your actions, your relationship will self-destruct soon enough, and there will probably be a public scandal due to the internet and such. Good luck, Luv."

twoo wuv

Twoo wuv is also being agreeable to my man following his bliss, which literally means sleeping with the fishes. Instead of a card, I think I'll give him a personalized Gone Fishin' sign when he gets back.

Much ADO - Corpo de Cristo

ADO = Another Day Off
UFO = Unofficial Four days Off

Unlike the Noid, you can't avoid ADO. Here in Brazil, there is much ADO about nothing. Sure, there was originally a meaning, but to the rest of us it's just another UFO weekend. As I mentioned before, most of the religious holidays are Catholic in origin, although only about 20% of the population use this time for religious practices.


Some Americans actually find it hard to adjust to all of the holidays, the first year here. Everything shuts down, business transactions are paused, and there is no opting out of a day off as many Americans often do back home. I remember the toll it took on my Brazilian friends living in the USA, in only having a precious few 4-day weekends per year. The psychological impact included stress, and added another dimension of depression for many. This issue of lifestyle was one of the deciding factors in my husband's decision to move back home.
For those of you who may not know, the United States is in dire need of some days off. The average full-time employee gets a week off their first year (in addition to the national holidays, and factoring in the generosity of their boss at the end of the year). People with exceptionally good jobs may earn up to two weeks a year, after being at their company for two years or more. However, the average American chooses to forgo the days off in lieu of a check for the dollar amount, while staying abreast of company dealings, and in good graces with the boss.

Americans strive to function at an indispensable level, as the job market isn't promising, and our coworkers are always looking to get ahead. We are overworked and stressed out. While we dream of having a vacation, we know that reality means we get the "mini-vacations" in our minds, glimpses in cut-outs taped to our monitors, and the reassurance that we will never have to walk into work one day, and find out that we are somehow irrelevant, and therefore replaceable.


For the desperate or brave few who do take their vacation time, there is a gnawing fear that drives them to call and check in periodically, to make sure that things are running smoothly – even if they aren't necessarily on the board or in management. The initial panic that sets in the first morning following a return to work, generally extinguishes any sense of calm or relaxation that was achieved on vacation. It's back to the grind, as usual.


Personally, I never took a vacation from a job that I wasn't ready to walk away from, if need be. Call it a defense mechanism, but in order to really unplug, I accepted the fact that I could soon be mobile. Don't get me wrong... I was a loyal, by the book employee, but I was never under the illusion that I couldn't be replaced.

There is a whole different mindset in Brazil, the land of vacation days & holidays. The average full-time worker in Brazil has a month (or more) of vacation days in addition to the unofficial 16+ holidays that are celebrated nationwide. Officially, there are only 8 holidays on the Brazilian calendar. However, should any of these holidays fall on a Tuesday or Thursday, they are automatically recognized as a 4-day holiday weekend ("feriadão") by the majority of the population – including government offices.


On December 26th of last year, the Brazilian Ministry of Planning, Budget, and Management announced the national holidays for 2012. Apparently, 2012 gained two additional officially recognized holidays this year. While these are the proposed dates by the government, they have noted that some are optional ("ponto facultativo") and as such, are denoted with an asterisk. Recognized Brazilian national holidays for the 2012 calendar year are as follows...

January 1st ― Dia Mundial da Paz
(New Year's Day & International Day of Peace)

*February 20th & 21st ― Carnaval

*February 22nd, until 2 p.m. ― Quarta-feira de Cinzas
(Ash Wednesday)

*April 6th ― Paixão de Cristo
(Good Friday)

April 21st ― Tirandentes
(Celebration of the martyr, Joaquim José da Silva Xavier, of the unsuccessful Brazilian revolutionary movement for independence in 1789... Tiradentes [pronounced: "Chee-rdah-dane-chez"] was a pejorative nickname meaning "tooth puller" (he unofficially dabbled in dentistry, among other things) used during his trial, in which the outcome would be a sentence to death by hanging, with the quartering of his body afterward. His body parts were then sent to be displayed around the country to demonstrate the punishment for people who promoted these kinds of ideas.)

May 1st ― Dia Mundial do Trabalho
(Labor Day)

*June 7th ― Corpo de Cristo
(Corpus Christi)

September 7th ― Dia da Pátria aka Dia da Independência do Brasil aka Sete de Setembro
(Independence Day)

October 12th ― Nossa Senhora Aparecida
(Celebration of "Our Lady Who Appeared" the patron saint of Brazil)

*October 28th ― Dia do Servidor Público
(Public Servant's Day)

November 2nd ― Finados
(All Souls' Day)

November 15th ― Proclamação da República
(Proclamation of the Brazilian Republic)

*December 24th ― Véspera de Natal & Dia do Órfão
(Christmas Eve & Orphan's Day)

December 25th ― Natal
(Christmas Day)

*December 31st ― Véspera de Ano-Novo aka Réveillon
(New Year's Eve)

These dates do not reflect all of the religious holidays, like the upcoming June 24th holiday of São João, nor state or municipal holidays. The holidays that are optional are more of an "option" for the employers of the working class, not government offices or business owners, who are guaranteed some R&R.

Feelings on the high numbers of days off per year are mixed. On the one hand, it is a part of the lifestyle here. Recently there has been a surge in the high numbers of reported cases of depression after the holidays are over, and people have to go back to work. Even suggesting that there could be an amendment to the existing work schedule could cause panic. No one wants to end up like their veritably vacationless friends to the North.
On the other hand, people who recognize the impediment to the growth and stabilization of the economy see it as a hindrance to Brazil's economic status in the world. When companies full of employees who are regular lunch customers for the local all-you-can-eat restaurant decide to honor a holiday, that means that the restaurant owner will also skip a day of deliveries from the local food and beverage vendors. The cost is then passed along, throughout the community - unless, of course, that community happens to be a tourist or vacation destination.


There is currently a bill being proposed in Congress to limit the unofficial 4-day weekends to a standard 3-day weekend which would be observed on the Monday prior to, or following a holiday that would fall on an otherwise viable (workable) weekday. The current practice is to "honor" the Monday or Friday that may fall between a holiday (Tuesday or Thursday) & the weekend.

It remains to be seen whether this society is ready to take that step. There are arguments on both sides who could debate endlessly on whether it would be a step forward or a step backward. Either way, there's no sidestepping the issue.

All images found @ the Microsoft Office Clip Art site.

These Boots Are Made For Gawkin'

So much for those people who say that Goiânia is a boot-scootin' cowboy capital...

This morning I went downtown to sign some papers with my husband. It was great to be out & about in this cooler weather. It's one of my favorite times of the year!

On the tail end of fall, we are almost upon the "coldest" time of the year. The lows are in the mid 50's and 60's, and the daily highs are in the 80's. Hey, that's cold to me these days, and I'm not ashamed to say it. It took me too long to get acclimated! I've earned every one of these goose bumps.

Winter will be here in June. The first third of the winter is pretty cold, although the last two months are the hottest of the year. June, the coldest month in Goiânia, gives us a brief taste of comfort before July, August, and September arrive with an oppressive heat.

We actually had an early set of cold fronts this year, starting the first week of May. Something that is a bit different for those of us from the northern hemisphere is that cold fronts come from the South.

Back in Texas, our cold fronts come from the North, and as such, are called "Northers." Hmmm... Does that make our cold fronts here in Goiás, "Southerns?"

"Sulistas?"

With the cool weather, I decided to wear my cute boots since I can never wear them any other time of the year, as it is either too hot or too wet.

You would've thought that I had a small animal strapped to my head — or one on each foot.

I was oblivious, at first, but finally noticed person after person looking at me. I wondered why. Do I really look that different? People usually assume that I'm from Southern Brazil, so I'm able to fly under the radar, more often than not.

What was the deal?

When we were leaving, I found out. My husband asked me if I'd seen the "hundred different people looking at my boots."

Me: "Was that it?"

My man: "Uh, yeah! Do you see anyone else in boots around here?"

Me: "I haven't noticed... It's the cool season — it's 68 degrees! I would expect to see some, that's for sure."

I suddenly recalled that every single time I ever saw a chick wearing boots here, it was at night.

Me: "Wait! Do people in Goiânia only wear boots at night?"

My Man: "Uh, yeah!"

Me: "That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. Well, at least I can claim that I'm bringing some international culture to the region."

Him, mumbling: "...and at least the Rodeo's in town." (It really is.)

When I got home I called my friend, D, to see what the deal is. She's one of those style mavens. I asked her if it's really true that chicks only wear boots at night in Goiânia. She said, "Unfortunately... yes, that's the way it is here."

She told me that she'd met a girl on a flight back from São Paulo last month, and they had discussed this very thing. She said that the ladies wear boots regularly in São Paulo, whereas here in Goiânia it's a fashion faux pas to do so if the sun is shining.

Men typically only wear boots if they are in the ranching or construction industries, but unlike women, they are not bound by the rising or setting of the sun. Styles vary according to their practical use.

I still maintain that this is one of the more bizarre things I've heard here.

...and why on earth didn't I know this? I've been here for almost 6 years. I have no excuse, but I do have Exhibit A of what not to do in broad daylight, in Goiânia.

Exhibit A

Hair Today - Blonde Tomorrow

Most Americans have the misperception that Brazilian women are hair-free, waxen [I'm taking the liberty of using the 2c definition: "lustrously smooth"] females whose skin glistens in the the tropical sunlight.

Where do we get this idea? This erroneous assumption is derived from what we see advertised in salons across the U.S. that offer, "The Brazilian," a type of waxing session that takes it all off. Then again, the recent Nair 'Brazilian Beauty Challenge' campaign isn't helping, either: "São Paulo style. Rio de Janeiro smooth."

In actuality the truth is much hairier - like Harry and The Hendersons hairier. Yeah, I'm talking yetis.

Yeti used with the permission of Corey Smith.
Check out his illustrations. They are awesome.

A lot of you are already shaking your head in disbelief. Sorry, guys, if I burst your bubble... but I'm about to take away the wand, as well.



The truth about body hair is always seen clearly beachside or poolside. The first time I saw this phenomenon, I was at the fitness/water/country club. I was there tanning, minding my own business, when I saw two girls next to me start slathering on a white paste. I wondered what sort of tropical beauty secret it must be.

I asked them about it & they said, "Oh, it's peroxide. Would you like some?"

I then wondered what sort of skin ailment they must suffer from.

"What is it for, exactly?" I queried.

They laughed and said it was for their body hair - to bleach it. Then I noticed just how many girls around the club were doing this very thing. I thought back to the Brazilian beaches I'd visited, and vaguely remembered seeing the same ritual. Huh.


After covering their bodies, they stood in the sun, soaking up the rays until one said she couldn't stand it anymore. At the time, I assumed she meant the heat on the pavement (being barefoot, and all) but later, in my first and only attempt at trying it out, I found out why. It itches like nothin' else.

The only reason I even tried the bleaching thing, is because it's a cheaper alternative to waxing my entire body, and the real reason being that my man urged me to try it out. (These were the days where I was doing everything the Brazilian way. You know, when in Rome...)

The most popular body hair solutions in Brazil are waxing (there are actually 2 different kinds of waxing procedures) and bleaching [full-length body hair]. Veet's (formerly known as Neet) foray into the Brazilian body hair solution arena has added the option of hair removal cream, but the most popular choices are still bleaching or waxing.

What about shaving? Well, that's almost unheard of for a female [insert look of horror!]. There are limited options as far as disposable razors go, and the refills for a regular razor are super expensive here. My husband and I stock up whenever we go back home, because yes, I have returned to my roots - er, let my leg hair keep its roots - and have gone back to shaving.

Aside from old wives' tales, the idea of a woman shaving is about as foreign as it gets. I receive looks ranging from horror, pity, suspicion, and wonder when I let it slip that I still choose to shave my legs. I do wax my arms, however, as that has always been a dream of mine.

So, what about yetis? They exist.

They must, because they have a cult-like following by a good portion of the females in Brazil. Some of the women I know here look like they have blond [blinding white, in the sun] fur leg warmers on, simply due to the amount of hair they have that they've decided to bleach. It's an interesting look, though not one that is my personal preference.


While I'm not against bleaching hair, as a personal choice, I believe that the amount of hair one has should factor into that decision. Some women are blessed with barely-there hair. They are perfect candidates for this option. Other women whose body hair rivals that of Cousin Itt should reconsider.

As Americans, we are raised to think that arms, legs, and tummies are to be hair-free. I remember the trauma of not being allowed to shave in the fourth grade, when I discovered that I was a little hairy monster of a girl that belonged on the island with The Wild Things. In fifth grade, I decided I would take my chances with my mom finding out, and proceeded to shave my legs. I quickly found out what a challenge it is to navigate around the Achilles Tendon.

I also remember my disappointment in junior high, when one of my teammates brought over her Epilady after school one day. I was sure that I would finally have flawless arms. Five tearful minutes later, and only 1 square centimeter into the job, I realized that it wasn't meant to be. My friend, on the other hand, must have been born without nerve endings, because she was able to do her whole body like it was nothing.

Imagine my delight when I discovered that waxing is a great solution for my arms. Surprisingly enough, I've been questioned by countless women here on why exactly I don't choose to bleach it, instead. Like all other options, it really is up to the individual. I've discovered that my legs are too sensitive for waxing, whereas my arms feel nothing. Who's the one without nerve endings, now?

Here in Brazil an "alergia" [pronounced: "ah-ler-zhee-uh"] is what people say when you don't like, or have an aversion to something. (...which is why they don't take my true allergies seriously...) I'm secretly glad that I'm "allergic" to that mix of peroxide. It's so horrible that it made me want to peel my skin off. My humble opinion is that peroxide has no business being in direct contact with skin, unless it's the bubbly kind that helps to treat wounds - but that's just me.


So now you know the not-so-naked-and-probably-hairier-than-you-ever-imagined truth on Brazilian Beauty Care for Body Hair.

Unless otherwise noted, all pics found on Google Images.

Cool Clip Art Reflecting Brazilian Culture

As most bloggers are aware, finding just the right visual is essential in giving the added emphasis to whatever point you are trying to get across. I have been searching for a specific artist's style in clip art, and finally thought to check the Microsoft Office Clip Art homepage. Not only did I find a few from the artist I was searching for, but to my surprise and delight, I found several designs that are inherently Brazilian.

Here are two that are common scenes from everyday life here in Brazil. I present the motoboy, and a guy talking on the Brazilian-styled payphone, or "orelhão" [literally translated, "the big ear"].




The "orelhão" [pronounced: "oh-rdeh-lyown"] was designed in 1970 by Chu Ming Silveira. His inspiration? The human ear. The design is still the same today, as it was then.


The motoboy keeps Brazil moving at the momentum it does. The backbone of the economy may well rest on the delivery guys, or "motoboys." (Yes, among other the English words, "boy" crept into the Brazilian Portuguese language.)


Pharmacies deliver medications to patients too sick (or sometimes too lazy, *ahem*) to go pick them up.

Run out of coke, beer, Red Bull, juice, or water? There's a local "Bebidas 24 Horas" [literally translated: "24-Hour Drinks"] that delivers near you!

Restaurants deliver what we might call a "boxed lunch," that is known here as a marmita [pronounced: "mar-mee-tuh"] on a regular schedule to their clients. (Choices are generally 3, 5 or 6 days a week.)

Apparently, the local McDonald's delivers, as well. Perhaps in English that would be considered a "Drive To," as opposed to a Drive-Thru.

Miss the novelty of a local butcher shop? How's this for a novel idea? Have 30 kilos of meat delivered on a moto.

Home security companies employ "motovigias" [pronounced: "moto-vee-zhee-uhs"] or security guards, who do their nightly rounds on motorcycles.

In lieu of a regular taxi car, it might be faster to hail a mototaxista [pronounced: "moto-tax-ee-stuh"]. They can weave in & out of the lanes of cars, which might get you there 10 minutes sooner. In addition, they may (or may not) be game to running red lights, which could shave a few more minutes off of your time - or a few years off of your life. It's your call.

All joking aside, more than 65,000 people have died in motorcycle accidents in Brazil, in the past 10 years - that's more than the number of Americans that have died in the Vietnam, Gulf, Iraq, and Afghanistan Wars combined! The Brazilian government is currently looking into additional safety measures and provisions for people in this industry.

Just this past February, Senator Marcelo Crivella proposed a wage increase of 30% for people in this field. This would allow for motoboys to buy better motorcycle helmets, protective gear, and help with any issues arising out of a potential accident - like the "extras" that aren't covered by insurance.

I spent over a year in physical therapy for a shoulder issue, and there was an undeniable link between motorcycle accidents, and the steady stream of patients. About 85% - 90% of the people in therapy were there due to motorcycle accidents.

Last July, President Dilma Rousseff took measures to promote safety in the industry. She sanctioned a law, also proposed by Senator Crivella, to issue a R$3,000 fine to any employer that encourages their employees to make speedy deliveries. If that has slowed down deliveries, I haven't noticed. Motoboys are just as efficient as ever, only now it appears they are valued more.

Unless otherwise noted, all pics found on Google images.

Cultural Quirks and Perks - Vol. II

Hello?! That was a stop sign!

Here's a quick **Goiano Portuguese lesson...

Oi [pronounced: "oy"] = Hi

Hola [pronounced: "oh-lah"] = Hello

There is also a funny (and sometimes pretty rude) way to use "Oi!?" as slang, which is the not-too-distant cousin of the "Hello!?" used by teenage girls in the United States.

U.S. teen girls when you are overlooking the obvious:

"Hello!!" (Variant:"Um, hello!")

Goiás peeps when they don't understand what you just said:

*"Oi!?"

(*Often yelled loud enough so that onlookers can help in deciphering the next go at it.)

And, no... This isn't only reserved for foreigners with accents. It's for anyone & everyone, and for some reason I find it either hilarious, or annoying - it all depends on how it is delivered. Sometimes it's way harsh, guys.

Depending on the intonation and [deliberate] volume it, more often than not, reminds me of a testy teen queen with a 'tude. It can be a major manners misstep. (So rude!)

More than once I've fought the urge to pull a Cher and exclaim, "As IF!" [in English - just for fun]. Of course, just imagining this scenario usually makes me giggle so much that it's all I can do to get through the rest of the conversation without drawing any additional, unnecessary attention.


You see, the "Oi" in this case serves as a "What's your problem!?" (aka "You can't speak normally.") or even, "Hey! Gather 'round people! Look at the loser who's wasting my time." People are generally pretty nosy, so this is a sure way to draw a crowd. (If you're a drama queen!) It's like it is a crime to try to keep things on The DL. I just don't get it.

I still crack up when I remember the first time I heard this use of "hi." I was signing in at the doctor's office, and the receptionist asked me for my detailed info. Since I didn't want to share with the rest of the group, I spoke in a low tone as I replied.

"Oi?" the receptionist asked, noticeably raising her voice.

I thought she was rebooting our [live, face-to-face] conversation that we'd begun a mere 2 minutes ago. I was confused.

"Oi?" I replied timidly.

That was when the testy teen queen surfaced. I saw it in her eyes:

Oh-no-she-didn't!

"O-o-o-o-o-i-i-i-i-i!" she roared back (with ear-splitting efficiency, enough to make everyone look up from their magazines).

Awwwwk-warrrrd.

I was like, "Um, you had me at... 'Oi.'"

*****


**Does anyone know if this is a Brazilian, or a regional thing? I don't recall hearing "Oi" used in this manner, in any of the other regions I've visited. The locals I've asked don't seem to know the answer to this question, either.

All pics found on Google images.

Five Facts For Foreigners - Volume VIII

Fun New Fishing Feats

One of the main draws in the state of Goiás is the Rio Araguaia (Araguaia River) for the unique fishing experience, and abundance of fish species. Here are a few facts you should know if you want to look like a fishing pro. Things are done a little differently down here. Get ready for a wild ride!

1. This isn't your grandpa's tranquil, traditional fishing experience. When you catch a fish be sure to hoot, holler and scream in delight. Apparently noise has no effect on catching fish in these parts, and as such it is a lively experience.
   
   


2. Make sure you bring your heavy-duty pliers. They come in handy when you need to remove/break the jaw of any piranha you catch & would like to keep. (You can't exactly just throw them in with the rest of the catch, otherwise.) The pliers are also used for other species of fish that have poisonous barbs that must be clipped in order to handle them, should you decide to keep the fish.
   
   It is for these reasons that I no longer fish. It’s too brutal. I am a “bleeding heart,” if you will, and cannot stand to see anything suffer – not even a piranha. I understand that something has to die in order to be eaten, but until I can find a humane way to achieve that, I prefer not to be a part of it. That’s just my personal preference. My motto is, “Kill it - fast!!! (...or leave it alone!)”
   
   

   Safest way to handle a piranha: a metal cage.

3. Avoid any sweet-smelling sunscreens or bug sprays. This will attract more bees, hornets, and other wasps than you have ever seen in your life. Jumping into the water with the piranha will suddenly seem like a good idea. True story.




Pic found through Google Images.

4. What in the world is that noise? It is a dolphin expelling air through its blow hole. There are freshwater dolphins in Amazon tributaries as far south as central Brazil, but they don't look like “regular” dolphins of the sea. There are two types of dolphins: one is the 'traditional' grey, and the other is pink. (I have yet to see a pink one.) All kinds of stories & strange folklore surround these pink dolphins, but they are usually treated with disdain by fishermen for the occasional theft of their catch.
   
   

   Image found on Wikipedia.

5. Never go running into the river or lake for a swim. Freshwater stingrays are common in Brazil. The smaller ones like to stay in the shallow areas along the bank, so one must be careful when entering the water. Keep your eyes peeled, and shuffle your way to the desired depth. If you were to inadvertently step on a stingray - no matter how small - its instincts would be to defend itself with the poisonous barb on the end of its tail. This could be a major problem for your calf (and health) since the hospital is more than a few hours away.
   
   Stingrays are timid creatures. They tend to steer clear of humans. The smaller ones scurry away in a cloud of murky water, and the bigger ones seem to be gentle giants. There have been instances where they unintentionally grabbed the bait on a fisherman’s hook, like this enormous one a friend caught in July 2008. (It was released after the photo op.)
   
   
   

(To enlarge pics, right-click and open in a new window.)

Being A Tomboy in Brazil

We all know that people come from different backgrounds. Our individual viewpoint is formed by several factors that include upbringing (which can determine our sense morals and cultural identity)... socioeconomic factors (which can affect our education options and range of potential experiences)... and our unique temperament (which is a filter on how we see the world). All help to shape who we are - and how we will live & relate in this life.

As I’ve mentioned before, I write from an American viewpoint - specifically that of a female... Austinite... Texan and tomboy. I measure things in feet and inches, judge weight by pounds and ounces, and relate distance in miles. For these reasons, I have thoughtfully placed a conversion widget for your convenience at the bottom of the page.
I write from my handful of experiences thus far. I am a jack of all trades, and master of none. I have a certain array of skill sets that, while valued back home in Texas... are not only useless, but regarded with disdain in the culture in which I now live. This is due to my individual choices in life, and while I’m okay with that, it occasionally accentuates the homesickness I feel.

At a young age I determined to ‘never need a man,’ and spent my time investing in a nice assortment of tools and know-how. Here I was forced to retire my tools, keep my know-how on the DL, and learn what it means to be "a lady.”

In this region of Brazil social functions are usually divided into two sides: the men and the women. The men talk about business, cars, fishing and sports, while the women tend to discuss certain novelas and/or fashion related topics. If they have kids, the women will discuss the finer points of whichever theme they are considering for their child's upcoming birthday bash. Needless to say, I tend to gravitate towards the conversations of the males, as the go-to topics for females bore me stiff.

Although I am now aware of some of cultural protocols that enable me to fly under the radar, I still get made for someone who’s not from around here, due to certain personal preferences. Some things we can change, some things we choose not to. Some things we have absolutely no control over: like how a culture may see a woman that doesn't conform to the accepted padrão [standard, model].


It's not like I am leading a one-woman revolution... I just don't have the strength to pretend to be something I'm not. I don’t blowout my hair – I wear it naturally, which means wavy. I avoid high heels at all costs. I don't do lace or bows. (Not only is it nearly impossible to find clothing for a grown tomboy in the city that I now call home - there isn't even a true translation for it). I can count the number of times I've worn a skirt in the past 5 years on one hand (well, 3 fingers). I prefer watching a sports event to watching a novela (or discussing one). I’d prefer to take an arrow to the knee, than to have to go to the salon.



I’d also rather go hang out on some campsite along a river than to stay back in town “with the women”… Do I like being the only woman in camp? No way. (That’s usually seen as volunteering to be the cook – which normally turns out to be a huge disappointment for someone else.) Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find a female friend that can hang.

The fact that my husband accepts me & loves me for who I am is a blessing – with an ata on top. There have been more than a few times that he chose to bring me on an otherwise all-guys fishing trip, to the surprise and chagrin of his friends, rather than leaving me to suffocate in our urban high-rise. I honestly try to not to rock the boat, so to speak, but chauvinism is no friend of mine. I miss the inclusive social structure of the U.S. We mingle. We work & play together - at least, back in central Texas.

As a young adult I typically worked in fields that were predominantly all male. I have worked for various companies where I've been the only female outside of the office, but I was seen as a liaison rather than a liability. My friends and family back home never thought twice about it. The fact that I could change a flat or hang a ceiling fan was a running joke at the weekly ladies' Bible studies, but they never looked down on me or shied away from me.

(Thanks to Zach Montoya for Mechanic Girl!)

Here... I just don't bring it up (it's one of those DL-things). However, every now and then something might accidentally slip out that makes someone look at me for a minute as they ponder on what exactly I just said. ("Watch it! That plug is not grounded!" or "Wow! Feel the horsepower in this thing?!") ...but it's usually attributed to the fact that maybe I don't speak Portuguese too well. ("She can't have meant that!" or "That crazy Americana is babbling again...")

Truthfully, I have made some changes voluntarily, just to minimize the overwhelming effect the local Brazilian females can have on a man (and each other - just ask the local hairdresser). Goiânia is infamous for the ratio of 6 females to every 1 male, and boasts the most attractive Brasileiras (oozing their femininity) in the country. I can't confirm or deny this, as I haven't been all over the entire country, but from what I’ve seen it has inspired me to be a tad more feminine. (More on that later...)



Just as I’ve not yet made it to every area in Brazil, neither have I been to every area in my home country. I've been to 11 of the 48 continental states, and on almost every side of my home state, with the exception of West Texas. I hear the speed limit is awesome there.

That said, what I write is simply observations based on my point of view. I remember as a 5-year-old kid, the world looked amazing when seen through a prism… I’d walk around for days on end looking through that thing, no matter how many near misses I had with a wall or flight of steps. These days, I call it as I see it sans prisms, in accordance with the Laughter Is The Best Policy ...uh, policy.

I try to keep in mind that most females, even those back in my home country and state, probably won't share my affinity for old cars, the smell of the grease-oil-gasoline mix that comes from a long day in the garage – even if it’s only observing & admiring the work of someone mechanically inclined, the intoxicating smell of freshly cut grass from weed eating and mowing the yard, or the buzz that one gets after a successful home improvement project comes to fruition.


The thing is, I wasn't as much of a rare breed back home, as I am a potential sideshow freak here (were I really able to get to do what I love). Living in a 100% concrete high-rise helps to keep me in check, as there is simply less to do, but hopefully we will move into a house by the end of the year, so that I can get back to my roots (literally). I told my husband that I will take care of the yard. Since all of the houses have a high wall surrounding the property, no one has to be the wiser. ;)

(Unless otherwise noted, all images found on Google.)