Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol. XII

5 Kinds of Films Your Life Does and Does Not Resemble as an Expat

I remember that in the weeks leading up to my first visit to Brazil, many people asked me what I thought it was going to be like.

I honestly had no idea, and didn't want to.

I even asked my husband not to tell me too much so that I wouldn't have some preconceived notion. I knew that no matter how many books I read, movies I watched, or stories I heard... it wouldn't be anything like my own personal experience.

Image found here.

I didn't want to have any expectations, good or bad. Some of my Brazilian friends in the U.S. (unnecessarily) worried that I wouldn't be able to adjust to the pace, aesthetics, or lack of availability of certain things.

I assured them it would be fine... and it was (with the exception of a few ill-fated incidents —  including a wax session gone awry & going a few rounds with a sadistic acupuncturist). Good times!

While we were making the preparations to move, everyone was once again asking me what it would be like. Still, I didn't really have an answer.

My first visit I hadn't spoken the language, had only stayed for a few weeks, and had only seen a certain side of the city where I would eventually live, due to the clandestine nature of my first trip.

What side? The inside of about 20 doctors' offices, the medical tourism side — a subject that needs a couple of posts, in & of itself. More on that some other time.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what day-to-day life would be like once I wasn't earning dollars (so the money wouldn't stretch as far), once I knew the language (so I could catch all of the inferences in a seemingly normal conversation), once I didn't stand out as a "tourist" (so I wouldn't automatically be exploited financially or service-wise, a phenomenon commonly known as paying the "Gringo Tax"), or once I was left to explore this thing on my own terms (without someone to usher me here or there).

After living in central Brazil for awhile, I began to see a stark difference in what some tourists thought they were coming to experience, and the reality of how it is living as an expat somewhere.

As I've reiterated a ridiculous number of times, this is purely based on my personal experience, and while unique, I feel I've discovered a few universal truths in the general expat experience.

One day it hit me that these particulars are most easily seen & best contrasted through a few movies.

Top 5 Films You Thought You Might Be Able To Relate To As An Expat:

1. Under the Tuscan Sun
   Maybe 3% of expats will be able to create and live a fairy tale life abroad, on their own. Of course, money helps. ...and keep in mind that about 97.5% of statistics are made up on the spot.


2. Lost in Translation
   Loneliness, insomnia, & culture shock - Check! Finding someone to share it with or relate to you... Mmmmaybe. Seriously, though, good luck with that!


3. The Ramen Girl
   While you may find yourself periodically shedding tears in your bowl of whatever, this will probably only raise your blood pressure, not your general standing with those around you.


4. Seven Years in Tibet
   Captivating, sure, but life is rigged so that things are more likely to end up somewhere along the lines of All the Pretty Horses or Brokedown Palace.


5. Romancing the Stone
   What? I had to throw that one in here for all the adventure-loving girls that are not averse to an unlikely romance.

Top 5 Film Themes You Can Actually Relate To As An Expat:

1. Post-apocalyptic survivor movies like The Book of Eli or Waterworld may resonate with you on a certain level, as you totally relate to the people willing to trade a portion of their pinky finger or their favorite _________ for certain unattainable food items, beauty products, or other creature comforts. In my case, for example, some foods gradually became available over the years, so some of my fellow expat friends will never have to know the pain of gorging oneself on a bag of corn tortilla chips, or the resulting despair and regret that you could not control yourself enough to make it stretch until the next care package arrives.
   
   
   


2. Alien (or Fantasy Other) films like E.T. or Splash might not seem that far out there. Everything is new-to-you, as an alien of sorts. Feeling like a fish out of water is not uncommon, while you try to find your sea legs. Consider me your siren (as in warning bells, not femme fatale) and this Five Facts Series to be a treasure map of sorts. All manner of gems can be dredged up from my past mistakes, so that you can just pass go and collect accolades.
   
   
   


3. Fantasy adventure movies such as Alice in Wonderland or The Wizard of Oz may seem like an uncanny parallel with your new reality (life imitating far-out art) as you try to regain your footing, and get with the program, in a strange new world replete with undiscovered cultural quirks. A stint with the in-laws in close quarters will drive this point home very quickly. (How do you think I got my screen name?) Here's hoping you are able to land on your feet gracefully.
   
   
   


4. Bumbling detective/spy comedies like The Pink Panther and Get Smart will hopefully only ring true with ridiculous dialogue and hilariously mixed signals, as you run down leads on just about everything that used to be a normal aspect of your day. Simple tasks may, more often than not, seem like your very own Mission Impossible until your decoder ring is synced. The physical mishaps & pitfalls are just icing on the cake. I think it took me about 2 years to stop pushing against the door that clearly said PULL in Portuguese: puxe (pronounced: "poo-shee") ...which never failed to give me pause, or generate snickers from onlookers.
   
   
   


5. Funny and inspiring, Groundhog Day may well be the key to not just "surviving" what may seem like a daily do-over. Endeavoring to make a difference with the time you have, right where you are, and being patient (with yourself first, and then others) will help you find your happy place, while becoming a productive, if not endearing, member of your community.
   
   
   

Speaking of expat movies, I highly recommend the film City of Ghosts. There are some things that are better learned in the classroom, as opposed to a field trip. This movie is very well done, and accurately portrays some of seedier expats that we may or may not have run across out there.

Do you have a favorite expat movie? What are some of the worst expat movies you have seen? Recommendations and warnings are welcome in the comment section below.

Fastest Way to Learn Brazilian Portuguese

Image found here.

Here are 5 steps to put you on the fast track to speaking Brazilian Portuguese.

• Step 1: Learn the alphabet and sounds of the language.
• Step 2: Learn vocabulary and basic phrases.
• Step 3: Learn one past, two present, and one future form of the 17 different forms of verbs.
  Hint: Go for the simple forms. They aren't called simple for nothing.
• Step 4: Get a Brazilian Portuguese dictionary that shows the stressed syllable in the pronunciation of a word.
• Step 5: Get a handle on the false cognates and false friends. The misuse of a word can make for a really bizarre conversation, and the mistaken assumption that you are not only a foreigner, but a total weirdo.

What are the best resources to accomplish this quickly and easily?

For those whose native language is American English, I recommend Portuguese in 10 minutes a day by Kristine Kershul. You can learn the sounds of the language, some basic phrases, and vocabulary. It is written in a Carioca accent, so just change the "sh" to "s" for other regions. Using this book, I caught up to a local Portuguese class for estrangeiros that had been in session for two and a half months ...in a mere 2 weeks! Everyone was amazed (and a wee bit jealous).

The most comprehensive vocabulary resource I have found is the Word by Word Illustrated Dictionary English/Brazilian Portuguese - Second Edition by Steven J. Molinsky & Bill Bliss. It is important to get the 2nd edition because they added common phrases and additional vocabulary words. Although there is no pocket edition, I carried this thing around everywhere during the first year that I was here. Don't be shy! Embrace your inner nerd.

As for the verbs, I recommend that you scour the internet for conjugation tables in English and Portuguese. You can also find conjugation tables in the dictionaries listed below. Verbs end in —ar, —er, or —ir, in the base and infinitive forms. Compare them, and focus on the following four forms of the verbs until you are more fluent. If, at that point, you feel that you can tackle the other 13 forms of the verbs, then more power to you! :)

The Present Continuous tense:

I am writing. = Eu estou escrevendo.

(English —ing = —ando, —endo or —indo in Portuguese.)


The Simple Present tense:

Do you like vegetables? = Você gosta de verduras?


The Simple Past tense:

She wrote an informative book. = Ela escreveu um livro informativo.


The Simple Future or Futuro do Presente tense:

We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Or the medium way. Or the semi-medium-easy-hard way. Or the sort of hard, with a touch of awkward, easy-difficult-challenging way.

So that's how you want to play it, huh?

Me, too.

The easy way is a form of the future (futuro composto), which is closest to how we speak in English.

He is going to work tomorrow. = Ele vai trabalhar amanhã.

The harder version of the same thing means changing the end of the verb. That involves more memorization, which you could focus elsewhere... Here's an example of the same sentence in a more difficult version of the simple future form (Futuro do Presente do Indicativo):

Ele trabalhará amanha.

Just remember that everything begins and ends with a KISS ("um beijo") in Brazil, so...

Keep It Simple, Superstar!

Image found here.

It's your lucky day. The Dicionário Didático Básico by Edições SM is perfect for beginners. The best feature is the way the (7,000+) words are broken down phonetically in Brazilian Portuguese, with emphasis on the stressed syllable. The definitions are as simplified as they can get in the Portuguese language. (It's for kids.) As you progress to a more thorough understanding of basic Portuguese, graduate to the Dicionário Didático that has fewer pics, but over 43,000 additional definitions to add to your vocabulary.

False cognates and false friends (linguistically and personally speaking) are the bane of my existence. Yours, too. You'll be trying to tell people that you intend to do something, while you're really saying that you understand (entender) something... that makes absolutely no sense. Someone will tell you that they intend (pretender) to do something, and you'll wonder why they are planning on pretending to do something.

For this reason, it is so very worth it to pick up a copy of Inglês Urgente! Para Brasileiros by Cristina Schumacher. It has the most complete list of false cognates (in English and Portuguese) that I've seen, yet, and is a great addition to your arsenal of books to help you conquer Brazilian Portuguese as a second language.

Again, I'll reiterate that Portuguese in 10 minutes a day is the best solution for those that speak American English. If you speak British English, then the book Brazilian Portuguese by Sue Tyson-Ward, from the Teach Yourself series is a great resource. The phonetic base of any foreign language is key, and like Kristine Kershul, Ms. Tyson-Ward does it up right.

Just so you know, I am not being paid by any of these book publishers to promote their products. I simply hate to see anyone waste their time, money, and efforts in methods that do not work.

Boa sorte in your studies!

Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol. XI

Pizza. Everybody seems to love it.

Preference is definitely a regional, as well as a very personal thing. Most people have a craving for a certain place when they hear the word. Folks in the U.S. are familiar with terms like New York-style pizza, Chicago-style 'deep-dish' pizza, or in Austin: Mangia Pizza and Conan's. (...and apparently East Side Pies. I'll have to try them when I go home to visit.)

Image found here.

Within the pizza-loving community there are die-hard deep dish devotees, staunch thin crust connoisseurs, and avid hand-tossed aficionados. There are the extra sauce enthusiasts, and those who lean toward light sauce. Deciding on extra cheese or light cheese can make or break personal pizza nirvana. Then there are the toppings... on the top, light, or on the side?

Finding the perfect pie is as much a challenge today as finding a faster trade route to the East Indies was when Columbus sailed the high seas. Pizza lovers are all seeking a rewarding find, and are sometimes even willing to go to great lengths to achieve their personal treasured trifecta: perfect crust, balanced flavor, & some kind of decent price. And once in a while... when we think that we've almost nailed it, we might just let price fly out the window. That's usually a regrettable mistake. Desperation rarely yields anything worth savoring.

After searching high and low, I can tell you that the pizza you seek in Brazil is found in precious few places. I say this as a THESLC (thin crust, extra sauce, light cheese) kind of girl. On a recent vacation, we happened across one of the most divine pizza places ever. After regular disappointment over the past 6 years, I honestly didn't get my hopes up.

We were blown away. The pizza was so amazing, that we each ate a medium—at least three nights that week. It was that good. I must note, that as an extra sauce chick, I didn't even miss it. Would it be possible to improve on perfection? I only entertained the thought for a second.

We seriously considered taking one to go... (on the plane home) but the trip would be too long, and it would get soggy (it's that thin!) so we went home brokenhearted, with bittersweet memories of the best pizza we have tasted in Brazil.

If you are ever in Fortaleza, Teresina, São Luís, or Salvador then you must make it a point to visit Vignoli's. If you live there, we are jealous: BEST. Pizza. Ever.

The topic of toppings could take a year or more to pick through, so I'll focus on the top 5 major differences in pizza toppings here versus national U.S. pizza chains. That should be easy enough.

I'll call this list Top 5 Surprising Finds Listed Under Toppings in Brazil Pizzarias...

1. Corn – Corn! Apparently this is also available on veggie pizzas in local joints around the U.S.




Image found here.


2. Peas – The distant cousins of spinach heard that there was an opening in the pizza biz, and decided to try it out. They are bona fide rock stars in pizza places across Brazil.



Image found here.


3. Prunes (or Peaches) – What is probably the most surprising pizza on the menu is the "Californian," which is comprised of canadian bacon (or smoked turkey), prunes, peaches, pineapple, figs, and/or raisins. I have been waiting for a Californian to weigh in on this. Is this pizza really representative of Cali? (I'm guessing "no" on the prunes part.)



Images found on Google.


4. Sliced, Hard-Boiled Eggs – {insert exclamation of surprise here} I'm sticking to my guns, and still maintain that this is just weird... and stinky... and weird.




Image found here.


5. Tuna – Don't knock it 'til you try it. I'd recommend that you make it at home with lots of minced garlic & za'atar on top, for good measure.

Image found here
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The top 5 pizzas that you will find at pizzarias around Brazil are...

• The Portuguesa – ham, hard-boiled eggs, tomato, black or green olives, and oregano


• The Margherita – fresh basil, oregano, tomato, and black olives


• The Mussarela – Although dictionaries don't recognize this spelling, 95% of pizzerias use it. Variations are mozarela, muçarela, muzarela, or the traditional Italian spelling: mozzarella.


• The Napolitana – palm hearts, tomato, black or green olives, and oregano


• The Calabresa – salami, onions, and black olives

Below is a sample menu from a local pizzaria.

To enlarge, right-click and open in a new window.

Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol. X

In this installment of 5 Facts for Foreigners I'm taking aim at Americans. Why? Because I am one! I'm going to spill it on the major differences in daily drinks. Of course, what might be the norm for me in Central Texas may not be all that similar to the status quo in Maine, Washington, Florida, Minnesota, or California.

...or the Panhandle. (You get the idea.)

Still, these are the main differences that not only I have noticed, but other U.S. expats, as well.

Bottoms up!

1. Milk, as we know it in the states, is a hard thing to find. What is available at the supermarket is equivalent to a version of powdered milk that has already been liquefied. It is sold in cartons (available by the boxed dozen) that do not need to be refrigerated until opened. Boxed milk was developed to accommodate the lack of refrigeration in places that do not have electricity, and for the typically much smaller refrigerators, where a 1 liter box of milk will fit more easily than that of, say, a gallon (4 liters). We'd be naïve to assume this doesn't involve preservatives and/or artificial additives of some kind.
   
   For the record, the year I arrived there were a number of cases involving several companies, where consumers were sickened due to the ingredients. Apparently, someone got creative in trying to cut costs... and thought they'd spike the milk with bleach and peroxide, among other toxic ingredients. People were prosecuted, and boxed milk went back to being only mostly unnatural.
   
   
   
   Image found here.
   
   If the idea or taste of boxed milk isn't appealing, then you might try to find fresh milk (actual cow's milk)... at your own risk. You can find it at some of the local farmers' markets, or you might hear a vehicle roll past, booming, "o leite" (pronounced: "oh lay-ch") or "the milk." Depending on the source and scruples of the vendor, it might seem heavenly... or a few hours later, you could find yourself in the ER. I've seen it both ways—about once a year.


2. You will find most noncarbonated 1 liter drinks (such as juice or coconut water) in these easily storable cartons, with the exception of water. While these boxed drinks are great for saving space in the fridge, they are the go-to snag at social functions, as they tend to spill all over the place (no matter how many years you've been at it). It's not just me!
   
   
   
   
   
   Image found here.
   
   Avoid obvious pitfalls like offering to pour some grape juice for your friend's great aunt, who is dressed in her Sunday best. Trust me on that one. I've developed an almost fool-proof pouring method, but it's taken lots of practice in the comfort of my own kitchen. Remind me to make a How To vid to help the newbies.


3. There's a popular and innovative way to drink OJ that is like a natural version of the little juice boxes that the kids drink back home. Every time I've peeled an orange, and eaten it slice by slice, I've noticed that people were watching me intently. It's because here, they stick it in a peeler (or use a knife as shown in this video), peel it down to the white part of the rind (called the albedo), and then cut off the top. It is then used as a cross between a stress ball, and a juice box: squeeze & slurp, squeeze & slurp. The remaining hollow of the orange is usually tossed.
   
   
   
   
   
   To enlarge, right-click & open in a new window.


4. Coffee is served black, syrupy sweet, and is so strong that it is served as a shot. If you were used to drinking large cups of Starbucks coffee (4 sugars, 5 creamers) back home, like I was, this amounts to nothing short of cruel & unusual punishment. I usually just pass on the coffee, since it is not customary to add milk; but if I'm at the home of a close friend then I might ask to add a bit to make it drinkable.
   
   Image found here.
   
   However... the business, doctors', and government offices that you may find yourself in will be bereft of milk or cream. Almost everywhere you go, the complimentary stuff will be there... mocking you. Freshly brewed coffee smells great even to those who don't partake, but for those of us used to coffee creamer, this can be torture. With nothing creamy to cut it with, you will need to learn how to steel yourself against the constant assault on your senses. (You should be good to go in about 6 months.)  When all is said & done, run back to your place, put on a pot, and pass the milk. Stat!


5. Drinking directly out of a can or bottle is a no-no. (You heathen!) If you are at a snack bar, you will be offered a small plastic *cup or a **straw, or two, with your purchase of a canned or bottled beverage. This custom originated because cans are typically dirty, direct from the factory, and it isn't a good idea to willingly ingest germs. Of course, these days bottles have screw-on tops, and some beer companies now come with additional litter a nifty removable foil seal,  so... feel free to break protocol, but know that people might think you're a little different.

Awesome, right? Find them here.

• Most cups are a standard 5oz (150ml) size. The bigger 250ml (8oz) is known as the "Americano" size, although in Central Texas we are actually used to [at least] 32oz (946ml) drinks.* They do say everything's bigger in Texas...
• Please note that straws are generally 1/4 — 1/5 the size of our straws back home.**

Hope that wasn't too hard to swallow. Welcome to the deep end...

Cheers!

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol IXb

Encounters of the Not-So-Forthcoming Kind

When living or traveling abroad you may, on occasion, run into other expats or tourists that share similar interests, which can add a whole new and enjoyable dimension to your trip.

My husband and I became fast friends with another couple that we met while on our honeymoon in Mexico. They were living in Canada, and we were living in the U.S., at the time. We had such a blast with them that we keep in touch to this day.



Something to remember is that not everyone you meet is friendly – or worse, isn't on the up & up. By the same token, sometimes you may just have nothing in common with them (they may bore, offend, or annoy you) and it would do everyone good to seize the next long pause as a cue to exit stage right.

There are other fish in the sea, and we don't all necessarily ride the same currents ...and that's okay.

This brings to mind the only night on our honeymoon that we didn't "double date" at dinner with our new buds because we arrived a few minutes late, at a restaurant in the resort where the staff was in charge of the seating arrangements. The waiters sat our new friends with another couple, while we were seated with a couple from the UK.

For whatever reason, there just wasn't any spark... and our five-course meal seemed like it took five centuries! We all tried to do the polite, small talk thing, but it soon became apparent that there was just nothing there. We couldn't wait to excuse ourselves, and meet up with our friends.



It’s nice when it happens that you can connect with others on a similar journey, but it’s really rare. More rare still is the (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime run-in with that couple that seems to be just a little bit off…

Here are the top 5 clues you’re in the company of a slick pair of con artists, spies of the Get Smart variety, or real-live cult members. (Let the good times roll!)

1. This couple has an awesome job locally ...only they can't explain what they do, where it is located, or even how they came about getting it. They also claim that neither one speaks the language, yet somehow have the aforementioned awesome job (where strangely enough... no one speaks their language, either). Ohhhh-kaaay.
   
   


2. There is an entire group of what the locals assume must be "foreign church people or spies," who have been living in a compound in an out-of-the-way town for about 20 years. They have a strict don't-interact-with-the-locals policy, but when asked once what they were doing here they claimed to be missionaries who weren't working in this region (but another that could never be confirmed). This compound is simply their home base, that is allegedly used as a jumping point to even more remote [again, let's stress unconfirmed] nowhere-near-here regions in the country. Of course!
   
   


3. This couple claims that neither one “knows the area," even though they've been around awhile, drive everywhere to run their errands (including to & from their top secret job location) ...but the go-to answer to anything you may ask regarding the city will be another big question mark and awkward blank stare. Although you may simply just want to know how to get to the local mall, they may see this as a test to 'out' them.
   
   


4. Despite the fact that this couple may appear around the local language school for a semester or two, they will never learn the language, nix any social activities with other expats, and will avoid making any friends [to avoid loose ends]. The partner in charge may also veer across 3 lanes to take the inner left curve of the traffic circle when you, by chance, see them in traffic and wave hello - even though you were about to take a right, anyway. Weird.
   
   


5. When you accidentally run into this couple a few years later in another international city airport, they will not only have changed their names, but their nationalities - so it is clearly a case of mistaken twin couple identities. Sure!

Best advice I can offer: Plead delirium (you're off your meds, again) and if you are getting on the same flight as these people, watch your drink! Have your travel buddy take first watch.

All pics found on Google images.

Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol IXa

Creepy Faux Faith Peeps

With the possibility of a meet & greet or gathering of other expats, I couldn't help but think back to the strange run-ins I’ve had with a few expats(?) ...fellow foreigners and/or countrymen... "tourists" of the shady kind. You know: those people that are clearly not who they purport to be...

Word to the wise, as Walternate said in Back to Where You've Never Been (Fringe - S4, E8)... "Everything is not as it seems." Avoid the near Fringe event in the pursuit of finding friends abroad by correctly translating the telltale tip-offs.

Here are the top 5 ways to tell someone's mission's impossible (i.e., totally fake). What they are really doing here, is best left to someone else's imagination. Don't let on that you know anything's amiss, and feel free to make tracks, as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Better yet, here are a few highlights I've gathered in a guide to creating your very own Mission Improbable.

1. Wear random religious shirts that you and your cohorts picked up at a Goodwill back home. (Make sure you're reppin' at least 3 denominations on opposite ends of the spectrum. Shirts with vague, happy phrases should suffice if you aren't quite sure on this one.)
   
2. Claim to be on a missions trip, but don't have a clue about theology, or even which church you are [allegedly] affiliated with (here or there). Be sure to get hostile when someone has the audacity to inquire.
   
   


3. Be 0 for 2 in the 'local church as a liaison in the missions field' category.
   
   


4. Travel sans translator, though no one in your group speaks the language.
   
   


5. Be noticeably high while cruising a local mall with your group. Not-so-covert, furtive glances go a long way, too.
   
   

There are only two probable scenarios when presented with these clues: they are either running from something, or running something. Either way, the best thing to do is appear naive, and leave.

It's a wild & wacky world out there. Be safe!

All pics found on Google images.

Five Facts For Foreigners - Volume VIII

Fun New Fishing Feats

One of the main draws in the state of Goiás is the Rio Araguaia (Araguaia River) for the unique fishing experience, and abundance of fish species. Here are a few facts you should know if you want to look like a fishing pro. Things are done a little differently down here. Get ready for a wild ride!

1. This isn't your grandpa's tranquil, traditional fishing experience. When you catch a fish be sure to hoot, holler and scream in delight. Apparently noise has no effect on catching fish in these parts, and as such it is a lively experience.
   
   


2. Make sure you bring your heavy-duty pliers. They come in handy when you need to remove/break the jaw of any piranha you catch & would like to keep. (You can't exactly just throw them in with the rest of the catch, otherwise.) The pliers are also used for other species of fish that have poisonous barbs that must be clipped in order to handle them, should you decide to keep the fish.
   
   It is for these reasons that I no longer fish. It’s too brutal. I am a “bleeding heart,” if you will, and cannot stand to see anything suffer – not even a piranha. I understand that something has to die in order to be eaten, but until I can find a humane way to achieve that, I prefer not to be a part of it. That’s just my personal preference. My motto is, “Kill it - fast!!! (...or leave it alone!)”
   
   

   Safest way to handle a piranha: a metal cage.

3. Avoid any sweet-smelling sunscreens or bug sprays. This will attract more bees, hornets, and other wasps than you have ever seen in your life. Jumping into the water with the piranha will suddenly seem like a good idea. True story.




Pic found through Google Images.

4. What in the world is that noise? It is a dolphin expelling air through its blow hole. There are freshwater dolphins in Amazon tributaries as far south as central Brazil, but they don't look like “regular” dolphins of the sea. There are two types of dolphins: one is the 'traditional' grey, and the other is pink. (I have yet to see a pink one.) All kinds of stories & strange folklore surround these pink dolphins, but they are usually treated with disdain by fishermen for the occasional theft of their catch.
   
   

   Image found on Wikipedia.

5. Never go running into the river or lake for a swim. Freshwater stingrays are common in Brazil. The smaller ones like to stay in the shallow areas along the bank, so one must be careful when entering the water. Keep your eyes peeled, and shuffle your way to the desired depth. If you were to inadvertently step on a stingray - no matter how small - its instincts would be to defend itself with the poisonous barb on the end of its tail. This could be a major problem for your calf (and health) since the hospital is more than a few hours away.
   
   Stingrays are timid creatures. They tend to steer clear of humans. The smaller ones scurry away in a cloud of murky water, and the bigger ones seem to be gentle giants. There have been instances where they unintentionally grabbed the bait on a fisherman’s hook, like this enormous one a friend caught in July 2008. (It was released after the photo op.)
   
   
   

(To enlarge pics, right-click and open in a new window.)

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. VII

Surprises in the Supermarket &
Detours to the Drugstore

One challenge that is sure to arise almost as soon as you settle into wherever you are calling home here in Brazil, is how to successfully navigate the local grocery store.

Save face (up to 95%) when using these tips to successfully steer clear of any major missteps in the supermercado.
[pronounced:"super-mehr-cah-doh"]

1. Hear those store specials that are blaring over the store speakers? Think the ads are a little too personalized - almost creepy how they seem to know you are looking at this very item as they speak? Don't freak out everyone else by screaming aloud, when you discover that it's a live broadcast from that guy in the hat [with the mic in his hand] that started following walking behind you on the last aisle.
   
   The most memorable incident with a live mic store announcer occurred when I rounded the end of an aisle & we came face-to-face(+mic) while the guy boomed out something about me being in a hurry, to the rest of the store. I didn't really understand it too well at the time, but wanted to melt into the floor out of complete embarrassment. It reminded me of the episode from The Wonder Years when Kevin goes shopping for pants with his mom, and envisions that the PA announcer is filling in the rest of the shoppers on how well they fit. “Attention shoppers…”
   
   

   Only a grocery store musical would have surprised me more...



2. We’ve all had the misfortune of grabbing the only item without a price, thereby bringing our checkout to a grinding halt, while a sales associate takes a tour around the store to verify the price.
   
   In most cases, this is an agonizing wait while the other shoppers in line glare at you as if you are a sociopath that only chooses items without price tags, just for fun. Here in Brazil, there is a fresh take on quick price checks in the supermarket: management on roller skates - complete with a helmet, knee and elbow pads. Awesome.
   
   For those familiar with the Sonic food chain, the sight of people roller skating to get stuff done isn’t all that surprising. Speaking as a native Austinite, the sight of chicks in roller gear is the norm, but seeing store management deftly weaving around shoppers and carts at a quick clip is impressive, by any standard.



3. What are you doing, just standing there, while they are ringing you up? Do you think those groceries will bag themselves? I didn't think so. In case no one told you, it is rare that a store employee will offer to help (unless they need to have a quick discussion with your cashier). Avoid “the look,” and holding up the line by bagging things as they are rung up. Waiting to so until after you have paid is a no-no.


4. Over-the-counter meds are not available in supermarkets. They are only sold at the pharmacy. Some supermarkets have a small pharmacy located in the front of the store. If not, don't worry! The good news is that most pharmacies deliver. Ask someone in your building which drugstore delivers to your address.
   
   
   Guys, feel free to skip this last part, and go on to #5.
   
   Ladies, like over-the-counter meds, certain feminine items can only be found in a drugstore. Three cheers for pharmacies that deliver!!! They rock!



5. Suppose you find yourself at the drugstore in search of a prescription that some doctor has failed to mention is an injection. Don't be shocked when they hand you a [packaged] syringe, and try to send you on your way.
   
   If, like me, you suddenly think back to the scary scenes from every movie where someone dies by lethal air bubble injection (embolism) and feel that neither you, nor your significant other [or travel buddy] is qualified to take a stab at inserting a syringe into any portion of your body; they will see your look of horror hesitation, and offer to do it there in the pharmacy.
   
   "What's that?" you ask. The girl who was just showing me the latest scented lotion is now going to give me an injection? They assured me that only pharmacists are legally allowed to administer injections. The idea that it would be a registered professional put me somewhat at ease, so... it being the first time I did this, I expected a mini version of a doctor's office (you know, with a bed, or something - in case I needed to lie down afterwards due to low blood pressure, etc.) located somewhere in the back. Instead, my choice was the restroom or a broom closet. Um, maybe I'll lie down in my car... if I can make it that far without falling & hitting my head?
   
   An added degree of awkwardness was that I found out that it wouldn't be in my arm, either. As this was the guy I had regularly seen for other drugstore purchases over the past few months, my routine bout of nausea (par for the course when dealing with needles) presented earlier than usual. The concept of the local pharmacy people, uh, going there... was more than I could handle. Needless to say, after that I conveniently found a new neighborhood drugstore to get my necessities.
   I haven't had the pleasure of needing another prescribed injection, so I cannot speak for other pharmacies, as to the quality of the facilities. However, I now ask my doctors at my appointments if there's any way I can bring them the syringe + Rx for them to do it - which still seems kinda weird to me.

Now you have the straight dope on where to go to buy your goods. May you fare better than those who have gone before you.

Next in the 5 Facts For Foreigners series...

• The Look: Hotels, Houses and Apartments


• Seen Out & About: Unique Looks & Trends


• Fun New Fishing Feats

...and more...

All pics found on Google images.

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. VI

Here’s something to help you out as you try to keep up with what’s going on in the world during your stay. Newscasts have a slightly different take on the presentation, so here’s the 411 on the nature of daily news in Brazil.

1. Unlike American news broadcasts, it is not unusual to see footage of an accident that resulted in the death of someone (…or to see a body – though the face usually isn’t shown. A cop might strategically stand in front of the face, while the rest of the body is visible). All of the blood trails & smears filmed in HD are visible, however.
   
   Accidents caught on camera are played and replayed - no matter how graphic. This video shows how a pedestrian narrowly missed being hit with 2 cars... however, no one got killed.
   
   Even hostage situations involving police negotiators & snipers [taking out the bad guy] are shown on the news, as you can see in the video below. For proper dramatic effects, they are usually looped about 5 times in a row.

Warning! Graphic content! Police sniper kills criminal holding hostage.



2. The line-up of shame is something that is a little different than what we've seen on American newscasts. We usually only get a glimpse of a suspect in transfer, leaving a courthouse or entering the police station.
   
   Crooks that are caught in Brazil are lined up & photographed with any cache of drugs, weapons or other illegal paraphernalia that was seized when they were arrested. Sometimes the perpetrators try to hide their face with their shirts pulled up over their head, which never fails to remind me of a certain pair of delinquents.
   
   

   Image found on Google Images.

   Another tactic that some news crews use, is to drive alongside whichever patrol vehicle has the villains [always stuffed in the hatchback portion of the car] and film them in transit; which almost amounts to a high speed chase, as the cops drive very fast when they have a criminal in the car. It's interesting to watch.



3. People cry a lot in interviews – men and women alike. The more anguish and heart-rending devastation is shown, the more airtime that story will get. This can be quite disconcerting if you are unaccustomed to real-life despair, twice a day.
   
   Warning! Graphic & Disturbing Content! Mother arrives on scene after her son is killed in a shooting.



4. Everyone gets a title. If you want to give an interview on the evening news as a random person on the street, your street cred is required. If you are someone that doesn't work, you’ll be listed as such – "Dono" or "Dona de Casa" ("man or woman of the house"). Titles are everything here.
   
   Did I forget to mention that this is also a part of the 20 Questions played in Doctors’ offices (always repeated loudly, so that everyone knows exactly where you stand… in general)?
   



5. I’m not sure if male meteorologists exist in the world of Brazilian newscasts... Perhaps because they can’t quite keep the attention of their audience as well as their female counterparts? It begs further study.
   

Coming soon in the 5 Facts For Foreigners series...

• The Look: Hotels, Houses and Apartments


• Seen Out & About: Unique Looks & Trends


• Fun New Fishing Feats


• Surprises in the Supermarket

...and more...