Armadillos or Tattoos

By the title, you might think I'm deciding on a hobby... or whittling down some strange list of New Year's Resolutions...

Not quite.

For anyone unfamiliar with the creature that is the official mascot for the upcoming World Cup in Brazil, you might be surprised to learn that it is an armadillo, or tatu (pronounced: "tattoo"), as it is known in Portuguese.

Up until now, most people didn't associate Brazil with armadillos — parrots or jaguars, sure. Amazon river dolphins and stinkbirds, maybe. I don't recall seeing an armadillo in the movie Rio, either.

This energetic mascot needed a campaign all his own, I guess.

"Fuleco," (pronounced: "fool-ay-koh") is a colorful, playful rendition of a Brazilian three-banded armadillo that is one of the two species of armadillo that can roll into a ball. What better mascot for soccer?

As a Texan, I must say that Fuleco is one of the two cutest renditions of an armadillo that I've seen.

When I first moved to central Brazil, I was surprised to hear that Texas didn't have the market cornered on these armored creatures. A fellow Texan was even more surprised when he learned that some armadillos are actually eaten in certain regions of the country.

That came with a disclaimer:

"...but [they] don't eat the ones that eat dead people, though."

Whew! That's a relief!

I suppose?

You know, that statement sounds like a line straight out of a Scooby Doo episode. Perhaps it's the Mystery Meat factor.

Mystery Meat is best experienced vicariously, in my opinion. (Especially if it's the kind that can give you, say, leprosy.)

Tourists need not worry that the kebab, or espetinho (pronounced: "eh-speh-cheen-yo") stand on the corner will be serving mascot, since the hunting and consumption of this creature is discouraged due to its endangered status. (That, and it's hard to come by in the big city. Kidding!)

Appropriately, Fuleco's very name reminds us to be eco-minded. On a related note, in Goiânia there is a slang term pronounced like the English word "echo" that is used in place of "ew, gross."

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. I

Here are 5 things this estrangeira [pronounced: "eh-strahn-zhay-duh" (fem.)] (foreigner) would have liked to have known before I arrived, so I wouldn't have seemed so... strange. Make a note of these cultural differences, and you'll benefit from blending in a lot easier – or at least, people will think this isn't your first time around the block.

1. You may have seen the traditional Brazilian Beijos [pronounced: Bay-zhoo/zhoh-z] (Kisses) when greeting others in Brazil. Please note that they are not actually planting one on the other person (unless they really, really like them – yes, like THAT)…
   
   They are supposed to be “kissing the air” next to the cheek of the person they are greeting. Men, please note that you are not to try this with other men here. Go for a handshake, unless you have the strong desire to reenact a scene from The Godfather. The customary greeting is one cheek-to-cheek kiss-in-the-air for each side (m+w, w+w, w+m). However, some states such as Goiás employ not two, but three, kisses. It varies region to region.
   
   
   This can also be an indicator as to just how much somebody may like you (or your spouse) if they indeed decide to plant one on you... or how much they may despise you, as I found out after being kissed repeatedly on the cheek with bright red lipstick, every time I ran into a certain woman at various parties around town. I finally asked her to kiss a napkin for me so that I could treasure it longer, and not have to lose her token of affection when I washed my face. She stopped.



2. There are no finger foods in Brazil. There are fork-&-knife foods and napkin-on-your-hand foods, but *finger foods as we know them (french fries, pizza slices, chicken nuggets) are frowned upon – and a dead giveaway that 'you're not from around here, are you?!'
   
   * Frogs' legs & chicken wings may be the exception – still, try to use a napkin (without ingesting any of it).




3. Restaurant tables have Salt & Toothpicks, not Salt & Pepper. Don't draw attention to yourself by shooting toothpicks all over your plate in the middle of the restaurant. All parties at the table will have a heart attack – especially you.
   



Not exactly what I was going for...

4. When doing anything where your name will be called out, do not be surprised when they call out your first & middle name, instead of your first & last name. If you've been hiding some fossilized familial 10th-generation middle moniker, you're busted. The upside is that it will be completely unrecognizable by any English-speaking pals (as it will be pronounced in accordance with Portuguese pronunciation). To keep the mystery alive, just tell your English-speaking buddies it's an alias you use when traveling.




5. You did not arrive mid-pandemic. "But people everywhere are sucking on Halls!” This is because Halls is sold as candy and/or breath freshener in Brazil. My only explanation is that there are no Starburst, Hot Tamales, Jolly Ranchers or Skittles in Brazil. All of you yummy candy manufacturers, this is an official plea to get that stuff to Brazil – Stat!

Marketed in the U.S. as soothing relief for coughs, sore throats & cooling nasal passages...

-VS-

Marketed in Brazil as 3 out of 5 on the freshness scale.

Stay tuned for more tips for tourists in Brazil...

All images found on Google.