Something Strange This Way Brews

Did I ever tell you about that time we ate psychotropic soup?

There is an Amazonian soup that is known as Tacacá (pronounced: "tah-kah-KAH") that is made with broth of a fermented poisonous root base, known as Tucupi (pronounced: too-koo-pee), and incorporates the leaves of a plant called Jambú (pronounced: "zhahm-boo"), which is known (among other things) for medicinal uses and, um, biological pest control applications.

Congratulations! You now know 100% more than we did before we ingested it.

"...yes, some people don't like it."

"Some people say it makes their mouth numb."

"Some people have become a little 'excited' due to the strength of the taste."

"Some people start to scratch their entire bodies, and get agitated."

To which I asked (each time),

"The plant?"

The hostess ignored me explained that it is a traditional plant used in many dishes in the northern region of Brazil, in the Amazonias. My friend noted that I might be "allergic" since she had been "allergic" when she tried a dish made with this plant before.

Although this may seem like an overabundance of information for someone about to partake in a Gargamel-style special, because no one came out and said the words,

"There have been known psychoactive effects, when the medicinal plant is combined with the fermented poisonous root broth"

I was still unclear as to what would unfold.

They didn't mention the fermented poisonous root broth? Nope. Neither the hostess, nor my friend (who is now suspect in my book) thought it would behoove me to have the full picture.

Experimentation is always more fun that way!


We were trying out a new restaurant that had popped up in our neighborhood, in recent months. It seemed like we were always going to eat elsewhere when we saw it, so just days before, we'd made the decision to go try it out the next time we decided to grab a bite.

We did note the curious absence of any kind of hint as to what type of restaurant it was.

You know:

NAME
Culinary Description (Bar-B-Que, Sushi, Vegan, etc.)
Kind of Scene (Restaurant, Grill, Bar & Grill, etc.)

This restaurant simply had a one-word name, which appeared to be a play on the word "rare."

Our friends called, and mentioned that they were just a few blocks away, so we thought it was a perfect opportunity to go check it out. My husband kept saying, "you know, that new restaurant..."

They said they'd meet us there, so it was a date. I was very excited to go.

It was a beautiful restaurant! It was chic, upscale, and romantic, with strategically placed low-lit luminaires that cast a certain glow. By the time we arrived, our friends were already deep in conversation with the owner. We learned that she uses the recipes and ingredients of the Amazonian people of northern Brazil. My friend noted that I might be allergic to a few of the plants that she uses in her dishes.

One drawback in moving to a new country or region, is that one may discover "new allergies" while living there. A pepper that is used, "just for the smell," and a leafy plant that is similar to lettuce (that I'm sure is a distant cousin of the radish) are the two main culprits to which I am allergic; and they use them in almost everything in this region of the country.

There was, however, a hitch to this particular restaurant, in that even after I told her which items I was allergic to... she just ignored me again said that she puts them in all the dishes. That was that. Not only rude, but weird: any other restaurant that I've been to here in Goiânia has offered to withhold the items to which I'm allergic, from their dish.

The much-discussed mystery plant was in the entree that we selected, along with 3 jumbo shrimp in a native broth. To be honest, I just wanted the shrimp. We are [way] inland, so shrimp is a rarity for us.

When the entree arrived, I noticed the strange little tripod cauldron with ornate handles, in which it was ceremoniously served. She explained that this is a "traditional" serving dish, and she would instruct us as to how to proceed.

It was at this point, that I began to wonder about the whole "ritual" of the experience. I also considered that she could just be "show-boatin'," as we say back home.

My husband took the first sip from the urn. He said it was delicious. My friend issued another warning that I should avoid the leaves, and start with the broth to see if there would be any adverse effects. I tried it. It was awesome, and not unlike watered down steak sauce - A.1., to be precise.

My friend wasn't having any, since she's allergic to shrimp. They said that last time her husband ate shrimp and then kissed her on the lips, (in her husband's words) "she swoll up like Angelina Jolie for the rest of the evening." Ha-ha!

After drinking quite a bit, with seemingly no ill effects (I really couldn't get enough of the broth) I decided to try one of the leaves. I chose one of the smallest, just in case.

The initial reaction was of my tongue and mouth going numb, followed by my throat... and about five minutes later, I recognized the psychotropic effects. It was freaky-deaky (and not in a good way), but still low on the freaky scale compared to the no disclaimer policy, prior to being served this far-out fare.



Everyone started talking excitedly at the same time (or maybe it just seemed that way because I was high), all trying to explain the effects of this entree. This includes my friend, who wasn't partaking: she's just naturally caffeinated.

I sat straight up — almost convulsed to attention — and it felt like the bones of my cranium were being expanded. Within minutes, I had a migraine that lasted for about 24 hours. My husband was mildly freaking out, stating that he had "never experimented with drugs, but [was] quite sure this is what mushroom tea must feel like."

Apparently, the more leaves are ingested with the broth, the more intense the chemical reaction. (Read: psychoactive!) It was later that I found out that the leaves are used for their medicinal properties of anesthesia in other areas in the country. I was fortunate, in that I only ate 3 small leaves before I recognized weirdness. My husband, on the other hand, had eaten the equivalent of half a can of cooked spinach. However, I drank a whole lot more broth than he did.

At the point where it felt like my brain was going to explode, we asked for the check and my friend says, "I told you, you might have an allergic reaction." I told her it most definitely wasn't an allergy, so much as it was a psychotropic effect.

Then she says, "Oh... maybe that's why that time I had some, I freaked out and ran out of the restaurant, all the way to my mom's house in the next neighborhood. I thought it was the shrimp."

I wanted to strangle her.

The final results were that the anesthetic properties of the leaves caused my husband to pass out directly, after the short drive home. Four blocks, and he face-planted on our bed, fully clothed: shoes and all.

In my case, however, the stimulating properties of the broth (that happens to contain lethal amounts of hydrogen cyanide, prior to fermenting) caused my heart to nearly beat out of my chest. I went through the motions of jogging, doing flips, possibly the running man, and jumping jacks from a lying position on my bed, for the next 2 hours. This was accentuated with occasional muscle spasms, shouts, and groans for help. That was in addition to the migraine that wouldn't let go - even the next day.

The thing that bugged us was not only the outrageous prices of this restaurant (they charged us 40 bucks for a 16oz soup), but the lack of warning from our friends who had apparently been there, done that.

The restaurant wasn't new. It had just been remodeled.

It was empty, I'm assuming, because others had heard of the curious chow served to the unaware, and steered clear.

All in all, we would like to have been privy to the big picture, so that we could PASS... but, as my friend would concur, where's the fun in that?

At the very least, this event was yet another a testament to the validity of my screen name.

Image found here.

Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol. XII

5 Kinds of Films Your Life Does and Does Not Resemble as an Expat

I remember that in the weeks leading up to my first visit to Brazil, many people asked me what I thought it was going to be like.

I honestly had no idea, and didn't want to.

I even asked my husband not to tell me too much so that I wouldn't have some preconceived notion. I knew that no matter how many books I read, movies I watched, or stories I heard... it wouldn't be anything like my own personal experience.

Image found here.

I didn't want to have any expectations, good or bad. Some of my Brazilian friends in the U.S. (unnecessarily) worried that I wouldn't be able to adjust to the pace, aesthetics, or lack of availability of certain things.

I assured them it would be fine... and it was (with the exception of a few ill-fated incidents —  including a wax session gone awry & going a few rounds with a sadistic acupuncturist). Good times!

While we were making the preparations to move, everyone was once again asking me what it would be like. Still, I didn't really have an answer.

My first visit I hadn't spoken the language, had only stayed for a few weeks, and had only seen a certain side of the city where I would eventually live, due to the clandestine nature of my first trip.

What side? The inside of about 20 doctors' offices, the medical tourism side — a subject that needs a couple of posts, in & of itself. More on that some other time.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what day-to-day life would be like once I wasn't earning dollars (so the money wouldn't stretch as far), once I knew the language (so I could catch all of the inferences in a seemingly normal conversation), once I didn't stand out as a "tourist" (so I wouldn't automatically be exploited financially or service-wise, a phenomenon commonly known as paying the "Gringo Tax"), or once I was left to explore this thing on my own terms (without someone to usher me here or there).

After living in central Brazil for awhile, I began to see a stark difference in what some tourists thought they were coming to experience, and the reality of how it is living as an expat somewhere.

As I've reiterated a ridiculous number of times, this is purely based on my personal experience, and while unique, I feel I've discovered a few universal truths in the general expat experience.

One day it hit me that these particulars are most easily seen & best contrasted through a few movies.

Top 5 Films You Thought You Might Be Able To Relate To As An Expat:

1. Under the Tuscan Sun
   Maybe 3% of expats will be able to create and live a fairy tale life abroad, on their own. Of course, money helps. ...and keep in mind that about 97.5% of statistics are made up on the spot.


2. Lost in Translation
   Loneliness, insomnia, & culture shock - Check! Finding someone to share it with or relate to you... Mmmmaybe. Seriously, though, good luck with that!


3. The Ramen Girl
   While you may find yourself periodically shedding tears in your bowl of whatever, this will probably only raise your blood pressure, not your general standing with those around you.


4. Seven Years in Tibet
   Captivating, sure, but life is rigged so that things are more likely to end up somewhere along the lines of All the Pretty Horses or Brokedown Palace.


5. Romancing the Stone
   What? I had to throw that one in here for all the adventure-loving girls that are not averse to an unlikely romance.

Top 5 Film Themes You Can Actually Relate To As An Expat:

1. Post-apocalyptic survivor movies like The Book of Eli or Waterworld may resonate with you on a certain level, as you totally relate to the people willing to trade a portion of their pinky finger or their favorite _________ for certain unattainable food items, beauty products, or other creature comforts. In my case, for example, some foods gradually became available over the years, so some of my fellow expat friends will never have to know the pain of gorging oneself on a bag of corn tortilla chips, or the resulting despair and regret that you could not control yourself enough to make it stretch until the next care package arrives.
   
   
   


2. Alien (or Fantasy Other) films like E.T. or Splash might not seem that far out there. Everything is new-to-you, as an alien of sorts. Feeling like a fish out of water is not uncommon, while you try to find your sea legs. Consider me your siren (as in warning bells, not femme fatale) and this Five Facts Series to be a treasure map of sorts. All manner of gems can be dredged up from my past mistakes, so that you can just pass go and collect accolades.
   
   
   


3. Fantasy adventure movies such as Alice in Wonderland or The Wizard of Oz may seem like an uncanny parallel with your new reality (life imitating far-out art) as you try to regain your footing, and get with the program, in a strange new world replete with undiscovered cultural quirks. A stint with the in-laws in close quarters will drive this point home very quickly. (How do you think I got my screen name?) Here's hoping you are able to land on your feet gracefully.
   
   
   


4. Bumbling detective/spy comedies like The Pink Panther and Get Smart will hopefully only ring true with ridiculous dialogue and hilariously mixed signals, as you run down leads on just about everything that used to be a normal aspect of your day. Simple tasks may, more often than not, seem like your very own Mission Impossible until your decoder ring is synced. The physical mishaps & pitfalls are just icing on the cake. I think it took me about 2 years to stop pushing against the door that clearly said PULL in Portuguese: puxe (pronounced: "poo-shee") ...which never failed to give me pause, or generate snickers from onlookers.
   
   
   


5. Funny and inspiring, Groundhog Day may well be the key to not just "surviving" what may seem like a daily do-over. Endeavoring to make a difference with the time you have, right where you are, and being patient (with yourself first, and then others) will help you find your happy place, while becoming a productive, if not endearing, member of your community.
   
   
   

Speaking of expat movies, I highly recommend the film City of Ghosts. There are some things that are better learned in the classroom, as opposed to a field trip. This movie is very well done, and accurately portrays some of seedier expats that we may or may not have run across out there.

Do you have a favorite expat movie? What are some of the worst expat movies you have seen? Recommendations and warnings are welcome in the comment section below.

Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol. X

In this installment of 5 Facts for Foreigners I'm taking aim at Americans. Why? Because I am one! I'm going to spill it on the major differences in daily drinks. Of course, what might be the norm for me in Central Texas may not be all that similar to the status quo in Maine, Washington, Florida, Minnesota, or California.

...or the Panhandle. (You get the idea.)

Still, these are the main differences that not only I have noticed, but other U.S. expats, as well.

Bottoms up!

1. Milk, as we know it in the states, is a hard thing to find. What is available at the supermarket is equivalent to a version of powdered milk that has already been liquefied. It is sold in cartons (available by the boxed dozen) that do not need to be refrigerated until opened. Boxed milk was developed to accommodate the lack of refrigeration in places that do not have electricity, and for the typically much smaller refrigerators, where a 1 liter box of milk will fit more easily than that of, say, a gallon (4 liters). We'd be naïve to assume this doesn't involve preservatives and/or artificial additives of some kind.
   
   For the record, the year I arrived there were a number of cases involving several companies, where consumers were sickened due to the ingredients. Apparently, someone got creative in trying to cut costs... and thought they'd spike the milk with bleach and peroxide, among other toxic ingredients. People were prosecuted, and boxed milk went back to being only mostly unnatural.
   
   
   
   Image found here.
   
   If the idea or taste of boxed milk isn't appealing, then you might try to find fresh milk (actual cow's milk)... at your own risk. You can find it at some of the local farmers' markets, or you might hear a vehicle roll past, booming, "o leite" (pronounced: "oh lay-ch") or "the milk." Depending on the source and scruples of the vendor, it might seem heavenly... or a few hours later, you could find yourself in the ER. I've seen it both ways—about once a year.


2. You will find most noncarbonated 1 liter drinks (such as juice or coconut water) in these easily storable cartons, with the exception of water. While these boxed drinks are great for saving space in the fridge, they are the go-to snag at social functions, as they tend to spill all over the place (no matter how many years you've been at it). It's not just me!
   
   
   
   
   
   Image found here.
   
   Avoid obvious pitfalls like offering to pour some grape juice for your friend's great aunt, who is dressed in her Sunday best. Trust me on that one. I've developed an almost fool-proof pouring method, but it's taken lots of practice in the comfort of my own kitchen. Remind me to make a How To vid to help the newbies.


3. There's a popular and innovative way to drink OJ that is like a natural version of the little juice boxes that the kids drink back home. Every time I've peeled an orange, and eaten it slice by slice, I've noticed that people were watching me intently. It's because here, they stick it in a peeler (or use a knife as shown in this video), peel it down to the white part of the rind (called the albedo), and then cut off the top. It is then used as a cross between a stress ball, and a juice box: squeeze & slurp, squeeze & slurp. The remaining hollow of the orange is usually tossed.
   
   
   
   
   
   To enlarge, right-click & open in a new window.


4. Coffee is served black, syrupy sweet, and is so strong that it is served as a shot. If you were used to drinking large cups of Starbucks coffee (4 sugars, 5 creamers) back home, like I was, this amounts to nothing short of cruel & unusual punishment. I usually just pass on the coffee, since it is not customary to add milk; but if I'm at the home of a close friend then I might ask to add a bit to make it drinkable.
   
   Image found here.
   
   However... the business, doctors', and government offices that you may find yourself in will be bereft of milk or cream. Almost everywhere you go, the complimentary stuff will be there... mocking you. Freshly brewed coffee smells great even to those who don't partake, but for those of us used to coffee creamer, this can be torture. With nothing creamy to cut it with, you will need to learn how to steel yourself against the constant assault on your senses. (You should be good to go in about 6 months.)  When all is said & done, run back to your place, put on a pot, and pass the milk. Stat!


5. Drinking directly out of a can or bottle is a no-no. (You heathen!) If you are at a snack bar, you will be offered a small plastic *cup or a **straw, or two, with your purchase of a canned or bottled beverage. This custom originated because cans are typically dirty, direct from the factory, and it isn't a good idea to willingly ingest germs. Of course, these days bottles have screw-on tops, and some beer companies now come with additional litter a nifty removable foil seal,  so... feel free to break protocol, but know that people might think you're a little different.

Awesome, right? Find them here.

• Most cups are a standard 5oz (150ml) size. The bigger 250ml (8oz) is known as the "Americano" size, although in Central Texas we are actually used to [at least] 32oz (946ml) drinks.* They do say everything's bigger in Texas...
• Please note that straws are generally 1/4 — 1/5 the size of our straws back home.**

Hope that wasn't too hard to swallow. Welcome to the deep end...

Cheers!

This Little Piggy Went To The Market

Here's something we don't see every day back home: an open-air butcher shop.


I'm still trying to get a shot of the truck that makes the rounds of the closing butcher shops on Saturday afternoons. It is loaded with all of the discarded bones (including residual hunks of meat, still attached to the bone) that are sent to be ground into feed for...

...wait for it...

...cattle.

I've asked a few of the ranchers I know here if that's not how Mad Cow Disease started, but received no real answers. When I know, you'll know. Or, if you have any insight into this practice, please share in the comment section below.

(To enlarge pic, right-click and open in a new window.)

These Boots Are Made For Gawkin'

So much for those people who say that Goiânia is a boot-scootin' cowboy capital...

This morning I went downtown to sign some papers with my husband. It was great to be out & about in this cooler weather. It's one of my favorite times of the year!

On the tail end of fall, we are almost upon the "coldest" time of the year. The lows are in the mid 50's and 60's, and the daily highs are in the 80's. Hey, that's cold to me these days, and I'm not ashamed to say it. It took me too long to get acclimated! I've earned every one of these goose bumps.

Winter will be here in June. The first third of the winter is pretty cold, although the last two months are the hottest of the year. June, the coldest month in Goiânia, gives us a brief taste of comfort before July, August, and September arrive with an oppressive heat.

We actually had an early set of cold fronts this year, starting the first week of May. Something that is a bit different for those of us from the northern hemisphere is that cold fronts come from the South.

Back in Texas, our cold fronts come from the North, and as such, are called "Northers." Hmmm... Does that make our cold fronts here in Goiás, "Southerns?"

"Sulistas?"

With the cool weather, I decided to wear my cute boots since I can never wear them any other time of the year, as it is either too hot or too wet.

You would've thought that I had a small animal strapped to my head — or one on each foot.

I was oblivious, at first, but finally noticed person after person looking at me. I wondered why. Do I really look that different? People usually assume that I'm from Southern Brazil, so I'm able to fly under the radar, more often than not.

What was the deal?

When we were leaving, I found out. My husband asked me if I'd seen the "hundred different people looking at my boots."

Me: "Was that it?"

My man: "Uh, yeah! Do you see anyone else in boots around here?"

Me: "I haven't noticed... It's the cool season — it's 68 degrees! I would expect to see some, that's for sure."

I suddenly recalled that every single time I ever saw a chick wearing boots here, it was at night.

Me: "Wait! Do people in Goiânia only wear boots at night?"

My Man: "Uh, yeah!"

Me: "That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. Well, at least I can claim that I'm bringing some international culture to the region."

Him, mumbling: "...and at least the Rodeo's in town." (It really is.)

When I got home I called my friend, D, to see what the deal is. She's one of those style mavens. I asked her if it's really true that chicks only wear boots at night in Goiânia. She said, "Unfortunately... yes, that's the way it is here."

She told me that she'd met a girl on a flight back from São Paulo last month, and they had discussed this very thing. She said that the ladies wear boots regularly in São Paulo, whereas here in Goiânia it's a fashion faux pas to do so if the sun is shining.

Men typically only wear boots if they are in the ranching or construction industries, but unlike women, they are not bound by the rising or setting of the sun. Styles vary according to their practical use.

I still maintain that this is one of the more bizarre things I've heard here.

...and why on earth didn't I know this? I've been here for almost 6 years. I have no excuse, but I do have Exhibit A of what not to do in broad daylight, in Goiânia.

Exhibit A

Allergies Abroad

It's thrilling to travel to new places, try new foods, and experience other cultures. Where the food is concerned, it can either be an exhilarating experience or excruciating, depending on your personal taste...

sense of adventure...

...and allergies.

One aspect of going to another country that should be taken into consideration is that you've had X number of years to figure out if you have any allergies in your native environment, and if so, how severe they may be.

Of course, several of my 30-something friends back home are only now discovering allergies like wheat and gluten, so I guess you never really know. Just consider that as a part of the adventure when traveling.

Oooh! Perhaps this leafy thing will close my throat.

Bets?

I honestly didn't have too many allergies back home in Texas. Mold has always been my nemesis, but as far as food went there were only three things that I was sensitive to, and two of those were man-made "flavors" (liquid smoke & "raspberry" flavoring) so it wasn't too hard to avoid them. I thought that I could eat pretty much anything. I was, by all accounts, immune to the dreaded, seasonal "Cedar Fever" (that everyone else seemed to suffer from) in Central Texas.

When I moved to Brazil, my whole world was turned upside down. (Wonderland, or o país das maravilhas, will do that to you.) I was perpetually ill for the first 9 months. After the 6-month mark, I determined to track down the culprits, and discovered that I am allergic to blooming (no, I'm not using an Aussie expletive) Mango trees, and a family of peppers that is used in almost every dish in this state (which also happens to be quite tasty).

What?!

I come from the land of peppers.

I bleed Chipotle sauce.

I'm that person that orders jalapeño slices on my Whataburger, and jalapeños on the side when I get a pizza, so that I can stack up a bunch on each slice. (Mmmm... Yummy!) I like my Phở [pronounced: "fuh," and said with a hint of a question mark] with a good blast of Sriracha sauce, and take my salsa hot or medium, not mild.

What I've learned is that in Texas, we mainly eat the Capsicum annuum and Capsicum frutescens families of peppers. Here in Goiás, the most common families of peppers are the Capsicum chinense and the Capsicum baccatum. It truly is a shame that I cannot partake.

Interestingly enough, the Capsicum chinense family includes one that I ate back home with no problem. The Habanero is one (which any Texan is familiar with) of many varieties of this family. As is my lot in life, in this particular region, it is actually hard to find a Habanero. C'est la vie!

Habanero closeup by Ryan Bushby (HighInBC on wikipedia)

The most common peppers, or pimentas [pronounced: "Pih-men-tuh," and not to be confused with Pimentos] in this region are the following:

1. The "Pimenta-de-Cheiro" [directly translates to, "The Pepper That Smells," and is pronounced: "jee Shay-rdoh"] is, hands down, the most popular Capsicum chinense pepper in this region. It looks similar to a banana pepper, has a very strong smell and flavor, but no heat to speak of.




Pimenta-de-cheiro
photo found amid a great collection of Brazilian sights on Flickr

2. The "Pimenta-de-Bode" ["The Goat Pepper"] is another pepper in the C. chinense family that not only has a strong smell and flavor, but adds a little kick to the cuisine. I haven't been able to find out why exactly the Pimenta-de-Bode [pronounced: "jee Boh-jee"] is referring to a goat.
   
   Think that would be an easy one, huh? Is it from the shape of the pepper? Does it, at any point in its stages of growth, resemble two little horns? Do goats like to eat these particular peppers? Does one need the digestive system of a goat to survive the experience? Will it 'put hair on your 'chin'? If I ever find out, you'll be the first to know.




Pimenta-de-Bode
by Adilson Lopes Garcia
via Flickr

3. The "Pimenta-Chora-Menino" [pronounced: "Shore-rduh Meh-nee-no," and roughly translates to, "The 'Cry, Boy, Cry' Pepper" or "The 'Makes-All-The-Boys-Cry' Pepper" ...There's no direct translation.) is hot — but it's sneaky. The heat from this little pepper of the C. chinense family ambushes you only after you've committed to ingesting it.



Pimenta-Chora-Menino
source

4. The Pimenta Biquinho [pronounced: "bee-keen-yo"] aka Pimenta de Bico (or "Beaker," as I like to call it) is another pepper in the C. chinense family that has become quite popular here. There are two types: one that has no heat, whatsoever, and another that can be a little spicy. It is actually from another region in the Americas, but was bred to flourish in this soil, which it has. These "beak peppers" are the new rage in Brazilian culinary circles.




Pimenta-Biquinho
source

5. The "Pimenta-de-Cumari" [pronounced: "Coo-mah-rdee"] is a small, bright, yellow pepper of the Capsicum baccatum family that has a very strong smell, as well as a bit of a kick to it. The word Cumari comes from the native Tupí language, and means "pleasurable taste."




Pimenta-de-Cumari
source

6. The "Pimenta-Dedo-de-Moça" [pronounced: "Deh-doh jee Mose-uh" and translates to, "The Lady's Finger"] is another pepper from the C. baccatum family that is about 4-5 inches long, and more mild than most, with a delicious flavor. They are most often seen preserved, but are used under the name calabresa when dried. This is not to be confused with the "Crushed Red Pepper" flakes that are known as "calabresa" in Europe and the United States, according to Portuguese page of wikipedia on C. baccatum peppers.




Pimenta-Dedo-de-Moça
by Mats Pettersson via Imageshack

Unfortunately for me, the "Americana alérgica," (allergic American woman) I'm allergic to the first five, and they are a part of everyday cuisine here in Goiás. They are added to almost everything! People in this region add these peppers to most dishes, including white rice. The most popular version of rice incorporates pimenta-de-cheiro with garlic.

Snack bars, or lanchonetes, usually have an assortment of snacks (all chock-full of pimenta-de-cheiro) that I now know I cannot eat, aside from a pizza slice or "misto" (grilled sandwich made with a slice of cheese, ham, and possibly a slice of tomato).

There have been some restaurants that actually refused to serve a dish without pimenta-de-cheiro because it is their signature style. In this case, I have a granola bar on standby, and only order a drink. It's been quite an adjustment. To compound the issue, allergies are seen a bit differently here, than back in The States. More on that soon!

If you are one of the fortunate ones who isn't allergic to these peppers, you'll be on a hot, spicy, and/or flavorful cloud nine. If not, bring an extra granola bar. Saúde! (Cheers!)

Stick an EpiPen in me — I'm done.

Five Facts for Foreigners - Vol IXa

Creepy Faux Faith Peeps

With the possibility of a meet & greet or gathering of other expats, I couldn't help but think back to the strange run-ins I’ve had with a few expats(?) ...fellow foreigners and/or countrymen... "tourists" of the shady kind. You know: those people that are clearly not who they purport to be...

Word to the wise, as Walternate said in Back to Where You've Never Been (Fringe - S4, E8)... "Everything is not as it seems." Avoid the near Fringe event in the pursuit of finding friends abroad by correctly translating the telltale tip-offs.

Here are the top 5 ways to tell someone's mission's impossible (i.e., totally fake). What they are really doing here, is best left to someone else's imagination. Don't let on that you know anything's amiss, and feel free to make tracks, as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Better yet, here are a few highlights I've gathered in a guide to creating your very own Mission Improbable.

1. Wear random religious shirts that you and your cohorts picked up at a Goodwill back home. (Make sure you're reppin' at least 3 denominations on opposite ends of the spectrum. Shirts with vague, happy phrases should suffice if you aren't quite sure on this one.)
   
2. Claim to be on a missions trip, but don't have a clue about theology, or even which church you are [allegedly] affiliated with (here or there). Be sure to get hostile when someone has the audacity to inquire.
   
   


3. Be 0 for 2 in the 'local church as a liaison in the missions field' category.
   
   


4. Travel sans translator, though no one in your group speaks the language.
   
   


5. Be noticeably high while cruising a local mall with your group. Not-so-covert, furtive glances go a long way, too.
   
   

There are only two probable scenarios when presented with these clues: they are either running from something, or running something. Either way, the best thing to do is appear naive, and leave.

It's a wild & wacky world out there. Be safe!

All pics found on Google images.

Five Facts For Foreigners - Volume VIII

Fun New Fishing Feats

One of the main draws in the state of Goiás is the Rio Araguaia (Araguaia River) for the unique fishing experience, and abundance of fish species. Here are a few facts you should know if you want to look like a fishing pro. Things are done a little differently down here. Get ready for a wild ride!

1. This isn't your grandpa's tranquil, traditional fishing experience. When you catch a fish be sure to hoot, holler and scream in delight. Apparently noise has no effect on catching fish in these parts, and as such it is a lively experience.
   
   


2. Make sure you bring your heavy-duty pliers. They come in handy when you need to remove/break the jaw of any piranha you catch & would like to keep. (You can't exactly just throw them in with the rest of the catch, otherwise.) The pliers are also used for other species of fish that have poisonous barbs that must be clipped in order to handle them, should you decide to keep the fish.
   
   It is for these reasons that I no longer fish. It’s too brutal. I am a “bleeding heart,” if you will, and cannot stand to see anything suffer – not even a piranha. I understand that something has to die in order to be eaten, but until I can find a humane way to achieve that, I prefer not to be a part of it. That’s just my personal preference. My motto is, “Kill it - fast!!! (...or leave it alone!)”
   
   

   Safest way to handle a piranha: a metal cage.

3. Avoid any sweet-smelling sunscreens or bug sprays. This will attract more bees, hornets, and other wasps than you have ever seen in your life. Jumping into the water with the piranha will suddenly seem like a good idea. True story.




Pic found through Google Images.

4. What in the world is that noise? It is a dolphin expelling air through its blow hole. There are freshwater dolphins in Amazon tributaries as far south as central Brazil, but they don't look like “regular” dolphins of the sea. There are two types of dolphins: one is the 'traditional' grey, and the other is pink. (I have yet to see a pink one.) All kinds of stories & strange folklore surround these pink dolphins, but they are usually treated with disdain by fishermen for the occasional theft of their catch.
   
   

   Image found on Wikipedia.

5. Never go running into the river or lake for a swim. Freshwater stingrays are common in Brazil. The smaller ones like to stay in the shallow areas along the bank, so one must be careful when entering the water. Keep your eyes peeled, and shuffle your way to the desired depth. If you were to inadvertently step on a stingray - no matter how small - its instincts would be to defend itself with the poisonous barb on the end of its tail. This could be a major problem for your calf (and health) since the hospital is more than a few hours away.
   
   Stingrays are timid creatures. They tend to steer clear of humans. The smaller ones scurry away in a cloud of murky water, and the bigger ones seem to be gentle giants. There have been instances where they unintentionally grabbed the bait on a fisherman’s hook, like this enormous one a friend caught in July 2008. (It was released after the photo op.)
   
   
   

(To enlarge pics, right-click and open in a new window.)

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. VII

Surprises in the Supermarket &
Detours to the Drugstore

One challenge that is sure to arise almost as soon as you settle into wherever you are calling home here in Brazil, is how to successfully navigate the local grocery store.

Save face (up to 95%) when using these tips to successfully steer clear of any major missteps in the supermercado.
[pronounced:"super-mehr-cah-doh"]

1. Hear those store specials that are blaring over the store speakers? Think the ads are a little too personalized - almost creepy how they seem to know you are looking at this very item as they speak? Don't freak out everyone else by screaming aloud, when you discover that it's a live broadcast from that guy in the hat [with the mic in his hand] that started following walking behind you on the last aisle.
   
   The most memorable incident with a live mic store announcer occurred when I rounded the end of an aisle & we came face-to-face(+mic) while the guy boomed out something about me being in a hurry, to the rest of the store. I didn't really understand it too well at the time, but wanted to melt into the floor out of complete embarrassment. It reminded me of the episode from The Wonder Years when Kevin goes shopping for pants with his mom, and envisions that the PA announcer is filling in the rest of the shoppers on how well they fit. “Attention shoppers…”
   
   

   Only a grocery store musical would have surprised me more...



2. We’ve all had the misfortune of grabbing the only item without a price, thereby bringing our checkout to a grinding halt, while a sales associate takes a tour around the store to verify the price.
   
   In most cases, this is an agonizing wait while the other shoppers in line glare at you as if you are a sociopath that only chooses items without price tags, just for fun. Here in Brazil, there is a fresh take on quick price checks in the supermarket: management on roller skates - complete with a helmet, knee and elbow pads. Awesome.
   
   For those familiar with the Sonic food chain, the sight of people roller skating to get stuff done isn’t all that surprising. Speaking as a native Austinite, the sight of chicks in roller gear is the norm, but seeing store management deftly weaving around shoppers and carts at a quick clip is impressive, by any standard.



3. What are you doing, just standing there, while they are ringing you up? Do you think those groceries will bag themselves? I didn't think so. In case no one told you, it is rare that a store employee will offer to help (unless they need to have a quick discussion with your cashier). Avoid “the look,” and holding up the line by bagging things as they are rung up. Waiting to so until after you have paid is a no-no.


4. Over-the-counter meds are not available in supermarkets. They are only sold at the pharmacy. Some supermarkets have a small pharmacy located in the front of the store. If not, don't worry! The good news is that most pharmacies deliver. Ask someone in your building which drugstore delivers to your address.
   
   
   Guys, feel free to skip this last part, and go on to #5.
   
   Ladies, like over-the-counter meds, certain feminine items can only be found in a drugstore. Three cheers for pharmacies that deliver!!! They rock!



5. Suppose you find yourself at the drugstore in search of a prescription that some doctor has failed to mention is an injection. Don't be shocked when they hand you a [packaged] syringe, and try to send you on your way.
   
   If, like me, you suddenly think back to the scary scenes from every movie where someone dies by lethal air bubble injection (embolism) and feel that neither you, nor your significant other [or travel buddy] is qualified to take a stab at inserting a syringe into any portion of your body; they will see your look of horror hesitation, and offer to do it there in the pharmacy.
   
   "What's that?" you ask. The girl who was just showing me the latest scented lotion is now going to give me an injection? They assured me that only pharmacists are legally allowed to administer injections. The idea that it would be a registered professional put me somewhat at ease, so... it being the first time I did this, I expected a mini version of a doctor's office (you know, with a bed, or something - in case I needed to lie down afterwards due to low blood pressure, etc.) located somewhere in the back. Instead, my choice was the restroom or a broom closet. Um, maybe I'll lie down in my car... if I can make it that far without falling & hitting my head?
   
   An added degree of awkwardness was that I found out that it wouldn't be in my arm, either. As this was the guy I had regularly seen for other drugstore purchases over the past few months, my routine bout of nausea (par for the course when dealing with needles) presented earlier than usual. The concept of the local pharmacy people, uh, going there... was more than I could handle. Needless to say, after that I conveniently found a new neighborhood drugstore to get my necessities.
   I haven't had the pleasure of needing another prescribed injection, so I cannot speak for other pharmacies, as to the quality of the facilities. However, I now ask my doctors at my appointments if there's any way I can bring them the syringe + Rx for them to do it - which still seems kinda weird to me.

Now you have the straight dope on where to go to buy your goods. May you fare better than those who have gone before you.

Next in the 5 Facts For Foreigners series...

• The Look: Hotels, Houses and Apartments


• Seen Out & About: Unique Looks & Trends


• Fun New Fishing Feats

...and more...

All pics found on Google images.

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. VI

Here’s something to help you out as you try to keep up with what’s going on in the world during your stay. Newscasts have a slightly different take on the presentation, so here’s the 411 on the nature of daily news in Brazil.

1. Unlike American news broadcasts, it is not unusual to see footage of an accident that resulted in the death of someone (…or to see a body – though the face usually isn’t shown. A cop might strategically stand in front of the face, while the rest of the body is visible). All of the blood trails & smears filmed in HD are visible, however.
   
   Accidents caught on camera are played and replayed - no matter how graphic. This video shows how a pedestrian narrowly missed being hit with 2 cars... however, no one got killed.
   
   Even hostage situations involving police negotiators & snipers [taking out the bad guy] are shown on the news, as you can see in the video below. For proper dramatic effects, they are usually looped about 5 times in a row.

Warning! Graphic content! Police sniper kills criminal holding hostage.



2. The line-up of shame is something that is a little different than what we've seen on American newscasts. We usually only get a glimpse of a suspect in transfer, leaving a courthouse or entering the police station.
   
   Crooks that are caught in Brazil are lined up & photographed with any cache of drugs, weapons or other illegal paraphernalia that was seized when they were arrested. Sometimes the perpetrators try to hide their face with their shirts pulled up over their head, which never fails to remind me of a certain pair of delinquents.
   
   

   Image found on Google Images.

   Another tactic that some news crews use, is to drive alongside whichever patrol vehicle has the villains [always stuffed in the hatchback portion of the car] and film them in transit; which almost amounts to a high speed chase, as the cops drive very fast when they have a criminal in the car. It's interesting to watch.



3. People cry a lot in interviews – men and women alike. The more anguish and heart-rending devastation is shown, the more airtime that story will get. This can be quite disconcerting if you are unaccustomed to real-life despair, twice a day.
   
   Warning! Graphic & Disturbing Content! Mother arrives on scene after her son is killed in a shooting.



4. Everyone gets a title. If you want to give an interview on the evening news as a random person on the street, your street cred is required. If you are someone that doesn't work, you’ll be listed as such – "Dono" or "Dona de Casa" ("man or woman of the house"). Titles are everything here.
   
   Did I forget to mention that this is also a part of the 20 Questions played in Doctors’ offices (always repeated loudly, so that everyone knows exactly where you stand… in general)?
   



5. I’m not sure if male meteorologists exist in the world of Brazilian newscasts... Perhaps because they can’t quite keep the attention of their audience as well as their female counterparts? It begs further study.
   

Coming soon in the 5 Facts For Foreigners series...

• The Look: Hotels, Houses and Apartments


• Seen Out & About: Unique Looks & Trends


• Fun New Fishing Feats


• Surprises in the Supermarket

...and more...

Brazilian Bar-B-Que Review

Get your rock salt on!




Mix up some Vinagrete & other sides...




Slap the Picanha on the grill...




Don't even think about cutting off that fat!




Make it look like this.




It'll be gone in seconds.

Note: As I said before, most people here eat the piece of fat with the meat. I use it as a built-in handle, and then hand it to something 4-legged & fuzzy.

(To enlarge photos, right-click and open in a new window.)

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. V

Just when I think I've listed all the insider's tips I can, I realize that on the contrary, it's just the tip of the iceberg. Here's the beef on Brazilian Bar-B-Que...

1. When I said there are no finger foods in Brazil, I forgot about traditional Bar-B-Que gatherings at home, or on the range (camping)... Perhaps what I should have said is that it's the reverse. Just think of everyday as "Opposite Day.” (That used to help me.) For example, where we would eat potato wedges with our fingers, here cuts of sirloin are sliced into bite-sized strips, and then passed around for you to grab one of them. For a place where finger foods are generally frowned upon, this took me aback quite a bit - especially since it's something we would probably frown on back home. Ha-ha! The quirkiness of cultural differences never fails to make me chuckle.



2. Another interesting point in this ritual that may seem quite different than what we are accustomed to, is that they aren't "passing the plate," as we know it. Everyone takes a turn serving the group, making the rounds like a waiter. If you haven't seen anyone else do it, don't worry: they're not putting you to work. That would just be awkward. Someone else will soon take their turn and bring by a fresh plate of sliced meat. At first I thought it's a regional thing, but I am told this is a common practice all over Brazil.
   



3. Just as you will have your turn(s) at playing waiter, you will also learn how to divvy up the meat the appropriate way. Picanha (Top Sirloin) is the hands-down favorite. Just don't make the mistake of cutting off the little piece of fat on the end because that is a major faux pas. Whoops... It is normally eaten along with the rest of the slice of meat. I personally nibble off the meat, and leave the little fatty stubs for the nearest dog or cat. :)
   
   

   Original image found here.



4. The menu for a traditional cook out or Bar-B-Que goes something along the lines of Beef, Chicken (hearts, thighs or legs), Pork or Chicken Sausage, and [sometimes] Goat that is served with white (garlicky) rice, beans, collard greens (made one of three popular ways), Vinagrete (similar to Pico de Gallo, with bell pepper substituted for the hot pepper) and Mandioca (Yucca Root) that has been cooked in a pressure cooker to a soft, steaming consistency.
   
   
   

   Image provided by Strayed from the Table.

   Accompanying most meals is a side of farinha or crunchy miniscule crumbs of toasted mandioca that some foreigners refer to as "sand." It can take some getting used to. Eating a pile of tiny dried crumbs atop any food, without getting any in your windpipe, is an acquired skill. I actually did inhale sand once on the playground, so I can attest to the similarity. (Exactly how this occurred is still a traumatic burning question of the past.) Moving on...



5. There is no Bar-B-Que sauce. Brazilian Bar-B-Que is seasoned with limejuice, salt & pepper or Rock Salt. If you are going to use limejuice, salt & pepper then you may want to marinate it for a few hours. If you go the rock salt route, then there is no need to marinate it - it will be too salty. The rock salt melts, as the meat is seared on the grill. Just watch out for any rogue pieces of rock salt that fall off into the fire. They explode & can become small, sizzling missiles that could potentially burn your skin and/or clothing.
   
   

   Image provided by Zack.

   If you must have some Bar-B-Que sauce with your Bar-B-Que then you might want to try one of the larger supermarkets that may have some imported BBQ sauce... or contact me. I know a certain Texas guy in Goiânia that makes the best Bar-B-Que sauce this side of the equator. (The other side, too!)

Coming Soon: The Gnarly Nature of Newscasts

Unless otherwise noted, all images found via Google Images.