Somewhere Along the Grain

Something that literally threw me for a loop when I got here, was how the city is built in an ever-expanding circle. More than half of the main streets are one-way, which can really trip someone up if they aren't from around here. Due to the ever-winding one-way roads and very rare lights where you can make a left, it's not as simple as going "around the block" to get you where you need to go (say, if you just accidentally passed it up). It could take you at least four rights to get you back to Point A.

Although this was the direct cause of my tardiness for most of my appointments the first year, it also helped me to become familiar with my new city in record time. Several people that have lived here all their lives, tell me that I now know Goiânia better than they do!

Image found here.

To compound the issue of trying to find a place for the first time, the way directions given here are quite different than what I'm accustomed to back home. I am used to hearing things like,

"Go north on I-35, until you reach the 290 East exit. Take a right, and go down two lights. Take a left at the light. We are located in the shopping center on the northwest corner of the intersection."

If someone tells me to go "up the street," then I follow the ascending street numbers. I can find new places in a heartbeat. Even if there is someone on the line who may not be good with directions, they typically know which side of the road they are on (N,S,E,W) or in which corner you will find them (NW, SW, SE, NE) — or someone in the office will. That's just how we do things in Austin.

Here, there are a few different challenges to getting directions. One major factor is that not everyone drives, and a good portion of the population buses it to work so they don't really pay attention to the streets, or may only be familiar with the roundabout route that their particular bus takes.

Another issue is that some directions tend to work only if you are [already] somewhat familiar with the area in question. For example, when you hear someone tell you to go up or down the street, they are saying this literally. Physically. Topographically-speaking. If there's a hill, then you apply directions accordingly. Here, Jack & Jill went up the street.

Image found here.

I'll be honest. This confuses the heck out of me. Where I'm from hills have two (or more) easily distinguishable sides, not to mention that to me (with my obviously untrained eye), most streets in Goiania appear to be flat ...and even if there is an incline, it's never just one. Of the roads that are alleged hills here, they seem more wavy than hilly... no definite beginning or end ...or top ...or bottom.

But there was something else about the [disproportionate — as in verging on conspiracy theories] degree of difficulty in getting directions that I wasn't quite able to put my finger on, until it hit me the other night, while watching I, Robot. Dr. Lanning's hologram said perfectly in English, what various secretaries are relaying in Portuguese (more or less).

I'm not asking the right question. Their responses are limited.

I recently played 20 questions with a secretary at a major medical clinic downtown (that's where the really curved & looping one-way roads are found). I tried asking for directions using various landmarks until I found one that she was familiar with. She still didn't answer my question, but I was able to narrow it down to the correct part of town.

{insert maniacal laughter}

Silly tourist! You think a simple street name helps with that?

Due to being built in an ever-expanding circle, the city has several different groups of streets that are split by the main circle ...and pick up on the other side of town.

It's funny how no one seems to mention that fact until you've made this discovery all on your own.

(You're welcome.)

My best advice is to buy a map to carry with you, study Google maps at home, and leave about 45 minutes early, until you feel comfortable enough within the maze known as Goiânia. On the upside, it's a good lookin' city, so the view isn't bad no matter where you end up.

Alice in Wonderland Maze by Srulink | source

Happy trails!

Olha Pamonha

This is one of my favorite commercials here. Cracks me up every time. It's for a headache medicine called Neosaldina [pronounced: "nay-yo-sahl-jeen-yuh"], and showcases a colorful pamonha [pronounced: "puh-moin-yuh"] vendor.

The lady buying "Neosa" doesn't quite appreciate Paulo Pamonha's flair (hence the headache medicine), but I love it. I wish our local neighborhood vendors with massive speakers on their vehicles had this much rhythm. I also wish they didn't come by at 8 a.m. on Saturdays.

The most common phrase heard booming from a pamonha vendor's speakers is, "Olha pamonha!" on a loop, as they slo-o-o-owly make their way up & down the streets. Olha [pronounced: "ol'-yuh"] means look.

Look! Pamonha!

Pamonha is a bigger, fatter, more moist version of Texas tamales. Pamonha is either salty, spicy, or sweet,  and can be filled with cheese, sausage, or both. I personally like the sweet version sans filling.

Just so ya know, saying "olha pamonha" around these parts can be rude [when there's no pamonha in sight]. Pamonha is also a derogatory slang term for a person that has cinched their belt a bit too tight, and implies that it is because they are overweight. See the instructional video below at 0:48 for a glimpse of some bulging pamonha.

There's also a variation on pamonha called pamonha assado that something akin to cornbread. The flavor can vary, depending on the chef & recipe. Assado [pronounced: "ah-sah-doh"] means "baked." Here is a how-to video with a homemade recipe for pamonha assado.

Still can't get Paulo's catchy tune out of your head? Here's a clip of the song. You're welcome.

Cultural Quirks and Perks - Vol. II

Hello?! That was a stop sign!

Here's a quick **Goiano Portuguese lesson...

Oi [pronounced: "oy"] = Hi

Hola [pronounced: "oh-lah"] = Hello

There is also a funny (and sometimes pretty rude) way to use "Oi!?" as slang, which is the not-too-distant cousin of the "Hello!?" used by teenage girls in the United States.

U.S. teen girls when you are overlooking the obvious:

"Hello!!" (Variant:"Um, hello!")

Goiás peeps when they don't understand what you just said:

*"Oi!?"

(*Often yelled loud enough so that onlookers can help in deciphering the next go at it.)

And, no... This isn't only reserved for foreigners with accents. It's for anyone & everyone, and for some reason I find it either hilarious, or annoying - it all depends on how it is delivered. Sometimes it's way harsh, guys.

Depending on the intonation and [deliberate] volume it, more often than not, reminds me of a testy teen queen with a 'tude. It can be a major manners misstep. (So rude!)

More than once I've fought the urge to pull a Cher and exclaim, "As IF!" [in English - just for fun]. Of course, just imagining this scenario usually makes me giggle so much that it's all I can do to get through the rest of the conversation without drawing any additional, unnecessary attention.


You see, the "Oi" in this case serves as a "What's your problem!?" (aka "You can't speak normally.") or even, "Hey! Gather 'round people! Look at the loser who's wasting my time." People are generally pretty nosy, so this is a sure way to draw a crowd. (If you're a drama queen!) It's like it is a crime to try to keep things on The DL. I just don't get it.

I still crack up when I remember the first time I heard this use of "hi." I was signing in at the doctor's office, and the receptionist asked me for my detailed info. Since I didn't want to share with the rest of the group, I spoke in a low tone as I replied.

"Oi?" the receptionist asked, noticeably raising her voice.

I thought she was rebooting our [live, face-to-face] conversation that we'd begun a mere 2 minutes ago. I was confused.

"Oi?" I replied timidly.

That was when the testy teen queen surfaced. I saw it in her eyes:

Oh-no-she-didn't!

"O-o-o-o-o-i-i-i-i-i!" she roared back (with ear-splitting efficiency, enough to make everyone look up from their magazines).

Awwwwk-warrrrd.

I was like, "Um, you had me at... 'Oi.'"

*****


**Does anyone know if this is a Brazilian, or a regional thing? I don't recall hearing "Oi" used in this manner, in any of the other regions I've visited. The locals I've asked don't seem to know the answer to this question, either.

All pics found on Google images.

Cultural Quirks and Perks - Vol. I

Figuring out what makes a culture tick can be tough. It is more than likely you will inadvertently offend people on a regular basis, until you are able to get in the groove of things. Likewise, you might find yourself offended if unaware of regional protocols. This is part of the growing experience. Try to be flexible - it will be less painful.


Then again, you might just find yourself laughing until you can't breathe... perhaps in the sorting of mixed signals, or at something as simple as a refreshingly realistic, but different, approach to things.


One such example is the name for what we know as "Party Blowers" in American English. In Brazil, they are known by the name: "língua-de-sogra" (pronounced "leen-goo-uh... jee... s-oh-gruh") or "Tongue of the Mother-in-Law".


Ingenious! It's both fun and educational. At least kids know what they will be getting into, at some point in the future.

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.

~ William Arthur Ward

All images found on Google