Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. IV

Here are some additional pointers that might help you to understand why things are done a certain way here, as well as help you avoid standing out like a sore thumb.

Word to the wise: it is financially savvy to remain incognito...

1. Just as Americans tend to say, "Oh," (as in the letter "O") instead of "zero," Brazilians may say "meia," (pronounced "may-uh") for the number six.
   
   Don't be confused... they aren't suddenly talking about socks [“meias” (plural)].
   
   
   
   

   “Meia” means half, as in (meia dúzia) half a dozen , which is: 6!

   
   
   
   

   For the record, meia calças aren’t “half pants,” either…
   They are pantyhose.

   Meio (pronounced "may-yo") can also mean “kinda.” Kinda confusing, huh? (Meio confuso, né?)



2. Another thing about Dr.'s visits... Don't have a coronary when they ask you for your mom's & dad's full names, the city you were born in, and your nationality... all in “the loud voice” as they repeat it back to you, in case anyone cares to take notes. At first, I thought it was because identity theft isn't as much of an issue here, but I was mistaken.
   
   Privacy isn't as much of an issue here. To circumvent this system I have all of my info printed out on a slip of paper, and just hand it to them when they start with the 20 questions. It can sometimes make me feel like I’m a 10-year-old with a note from mommy, but at least not everyone within earshot is privy to my building address & apartment number.
   
   
   This also helps with spelling challenges that arise, with all of the family members in question having foreign names. Otherwise, you might feel a bit like you are the host of a game show, as the studio audience looks on.



3. Do not flush toilet paper – for any reason – anywhere. The sanitation system is not the same as, say, the U.S. The long & the short of it is that the piping in the U.S. is physically bigger. There are step trashcans for your convenience, so that we aren't as troubled by certain sites & smells that could arise from multiple users.
   
   Generally, restrooms are either super clean – or very much the opposite of this. There are a few truck stops and gas stations that I’ve had the misfortune of happening across, while driving through other states, that stand out in my mind for the simple fact that they had nary a toilet - but rather: a shallow, ceramic hole groove in the floor with convenient no-slip grooves on the sides for your shoes. Uh-huh. Yes, you are supposed to use that.
   
   
   Please note that when you are setting out on a road trip, it is wise to bring your own stock of T.P. & soap. Not all gas stations provide these amenities.



4. Hot showers are made with an electric heating device directly above your head. But electricity & water don't mix, right? Well, that's what I assumed to be the general rule, when sitting in the heart hospital ER at the age of 20, after trying to fix a leak in my washing machine. Going into it, I thought they had been made to coexist peacefully in the same area – otherwise, that would be dangerous!
   
   Needless to say, I was more than a little wary of the first 30 showers here. Then one day, it happened: zzzzzzzzt! I jumped out, screaming, "I knew it!" only to find out [what everyone else knew, but hadn't mentioned] that you can only be shocked if you have a cut on your hand, or something along the lines of #5.
   
   
   Yesterday, I congratulated my man on having the least scary real-life example on Google Images. See for yourself! Just type in "Electric Shower Head," and you'll see some of the downright hair-raising examples of various setups, that one might run across in their travels - all over the world.



5. Ladies: if you plan on getting a manicure in Brazil, know this... The majority of Brazilian women are accustomed to getting weekly manicures so their cuticles have built up quite "a tolerance." Aside from this, there are some manicurists who like to remove THE. ENTIRE. CUTICLE, forming small red moats around your nails.
   
   The following tips are crucial not only to avoiding a shock or two (see #4) when showering, but in being able to grasp objects in the week to come.
   
   
   Dica [pronounced: “jee-kuh”] (Tip) 1:
   Let them know that you have “delicate” cuticles.
   (“As minhas cutículas são finas.”)
   
   Dica 2:
   Tell them you only want your cuticles trimmed, not removed entirely.
   (“Tirar as cutículas só de leve.”)
   
   Dica 3:
   This is straight from the Doc here in Brazil... Be sure you are up on *all of your Hepatitis shots before you make the jump.
   
   I didn't even know this until I had already been here almost 2 years! It is a series of 3 shots (A&B combined into one vaccine) that span 6 months. The first two doses are only a month apart. They hurt unlike any other shot I've ever had the displeasure of receiving. You will most likely be sore for about 4 days after each shot.

* You need Hep A for other arenas (contaminated water supply/poorly handled salads) & Hep B is for possible contamination in a salon - there is no vaccine for C, yet. Get these six months in advance of visiting, and you will be good to go!

Up next: Brazilian Bar-B-Que Brief

All images found on Google.

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. III

Party Etiquette...

Party fouls are awkward. Miss Manners didn't have this playbook, that's for sure. Here are a few moves that might score you some points.

1. The protocol for arriving at and departing from a party is to personally greet and/or introduce yourself to all of the other guests. If you are going to a big party, and are an introvert like myself, you might want to arrive early so you only have to make the rounds once.
   
   I always feel a bit like a campaigning politician, as this is something [way] out of my personal comfort zone. If on the other hand, like Pink, you enjoy letting people know that you've officially arrived, and "now we are going to get this party started," then this is right up your alley. Same goes for the end of the party…
   
   Announcer: "Elvis has left the building."



2. Be it a restaurant or Bar-B-Que setting where everyone is seated at a long table of about 30 or more, you may find yourself in conversation with someone across the table or to your immediate left or right. Perhaps the person in the opposite direction is not interested in holding a conversation with you, but that’s not a problem as someone else is… right?
   
   As you can imagine, 30+ people will raise the volume a notch. This might prompt you to automatically lean into the engaging conversation you have found, which can result in a (previously-unknown-to-you) party foul. You absolutely may not turn in such a way as to cause someone else to have to look at your back – even if they could care less if you talk with them, or not. The back is bad.
   
   Note: I’m not talking about doing this for the entirety of the party. Even thirty seconds is frowned upon, and you may receive a “helpful” nudge on your shoulder, to get you properly aligned.
   
   People will also feel obliged to apologize to you if seating arrangements at, say, a cookout are such that they will be “giving you their back.” If you speak little to no Portuguese, this can seem to be a lot of ado over nothing.
   
   I have asked if this is such a big deal, why there aren’t more round tables circa King Arthur, but no one seems to think that is funny. (Except me, of course.) On the upside, I have perfected the art of amusing myself.




3. Children’s parties are fancier than in the U.S. - be sure you dress to the nines. Forget any children’s parties you may have seen in movies or real life, back home. Women, wear high heels & lots o’ bling. Think: New Year’s or Wedding party. Guys, clean up reeeeal good.



Image found here.


4. When people sing the Happy Birthday song, they clap loudly… More often than not, the entire restaurant will join in. Sometimes there are 5 birthday parties in the same restaurant, at the same time.
   
   While it can be fun enjoying the cultural differences in festivities and hearing the roar of 200+ people getting into it, it’s best not to lead. Feel free to join in, once you’re sure that your table is participating.




5. If you are attending a party with lots of balloons, be aware that if you stay until the end, there is a debatably thoughtful measure taken to make sure you are not too tired for the trip home. At least, that's what I’m guessing...
   
   Parties are generally done up right with bunches of balloons cascading around doorways and other areas of interest. Somewhere, at some point, some adult got creative in utilizing the help of the kids to pick up the party. They hand the most rambunctious children knives, forks, toothpicks or other pointy objects, and watch as they lay into the piles of balloons.
   
   If this is your first rodeo, it may cause you to spill whatever drink or plate of clothes-staining food you may be holding... raise up from your chair about 6 inches, inadvertently knocking someone else's drink or plate out of their hands... or even result in an accidental headbutt if you happen to be hugging someone on your way out, if no one has shown you the ropes. So there ya go. Warn anyone with a heart condition.

Missing a beat with these cultural protocols is a flashing neon sign that can inadvertently start you out on the wrong foot. Stick to these tips and you will not only blend seamlessly into the crowd, but you might also appear to be a natural – which is not only worth 10 cool points, but is priceless in the saving face dept.

All images found on Google.

Five Facts For Foreigners - Vol. II

Some additional pointers to keep you from being pointed out [or at]...

1. If you happen to be here for Christmas, be sure to get your beauty sleep during the two days & nights prior to Christmas Eve. The traditional Christmas “dinner” is served at midnight on Christmas Eve, with partying and games to follow...
   
   
   It's something along the lines of Thanksgiving Dinner + Christmas Office Party (White Elephant Gift Exchange) + Rockin' New Year’s Eve + any or all of the following: Karaoke, Bingo, Card Games, Dancing, Masquerades, More Eating... That's a general idea of the itinerary, but you never know what Papai Noel (Santa Claus) has up his sleeve.
   
   edit: I forgot about the fireworks... lots of fireworks!



2. When in Brazil, do yourself a favor and avoid our "A-Okay" gesture. (You know, the one that is completely innocuous in The States.) If inverted, it is worse than giving someone the middle finger... However, any semblance of this gesture may be frowned upon, so it's best to resort to the good ol' “thumbs up” which is used here for cool, great, thanks, good, super, go ahead, you rock, sure, okay, may I, etc.




3. United States citizens: [Americans] don't try to explain why our nationality isn't "North American". (...or why Greenlanders, Canadians, Mexicans, Belizeans, Costa Ricans, Salvadorans, Guatemalans, Hondurans, Nicaraguans, and Panamanians are all North Americans, too.)
   
   It's not that the geography classes are different here, it's that someone surmised at some point that United States citizens are pretentious elitists by laying claim to the term American, since there are 2 Americas: North & South...
   
   In actuality it is a political statement. What exactly that statement is alluding to remains to be seen. It's best just to refer to your state, to avoid unnecessary static... For example, I tell people I’m "Texan" (or "Tejana") – as opposed to saying American – because we could 'discuss' the finer points of geopolitical nonsense for hours on end, but who wants to do that on vacation, or otherwise?



4. "Bife" (pronounced "Bee-fee") does not mean "Beef," although it runs in the same circles. There is "Bife de..." Pork or whatever cut of Beef you desire. However, bovines are divided differently than in The States, so you might want some clarification from a local before you order.




What is Bife? It means "filet," although "filé" is only used with chicken ("filé de frango"), beef ("contra-filé" or "filé mignon") and fish (filé de merluza [Hake fish filet]) - and according to my hubby, never pork. Even though I know the name of certain cuts, I can still get it wrong on occasion.

For example, the other day I got the Bife de Lombo. "Lombo" is the cut of meat along the top of the pig's back. There is also a "Contra-filé de Lombão" (a cut of beef sirloin) but it got all muddled in my little brain. I momentarily forgot that "bife" does not equal "beef." Needless to say, not knowing if something is beef or pork can be the deciding factor in a recipe breaker. Oops.


5. Women: Here in Goiânia, the capital city of Goiás, there is no such thing as too much bling – be it at work, school, or out and about. Coming from the hippie capital city of Austin, Texas, it was quite a culture shock for me. (You Dallas ladies may fare better.)
   
   
   Dress like Morrissey meets Madonna: Everyday is Like Vogue, Vogue, Vogue, Vogue...

Next up: 5 Festa (Party) Facts For Foreigners

All images found on Google.